Chapter 15: Final Decision
"I was damn wrong about that.", I say, sitting cross-legged across from Leslie, "After we found out what we had in common, I guess it was just, fate."
She studies me for half a second then answers, "Well fate has a very strange way of changing the odds. They can be in our favor, but they can also be against us."
"You can say that again.", I mutter, "The odds aren't really in my favor these days."
"It's only a matter of time when you make your decision.", she says while picking dandelions off the grass and weaving them into a crown, "In all the darkness, there's always going to be light, you just got to figure out if you want to follow it."
"Like reason and love, sometimes you just got to tell your brain to shut up and follow your heart."
Leslie looks up and slowly gives me a smile, "Exactly. See, now you're starting to understand what you must do, what you want to do, and what you will do with your life."
I sigh as I find myself picking dandelions myself, remembering a quote from William Shakespeare's "A Midsummer's Night Dream", Act III, Scene i:
"And, to say the truth, reason and love keep little company nowadays."
They never do, reason is always the logical part, my brain's the one that works with that, looking for the logic in a problem, but when it comes to love, my heart can tell me otherwise. To follow my heart can result in suffering, because where there's love, there's always pain, though in the end it conquers the pain. Now it's time to make a choice, that choice can lead me to live my life, or certain death. I come to understand what I must do, I'll follow the light shining in my darkness.
"Looks like you've made a decision.", Leslie says after what seems like half an hour of silence. I nod looking up to the sky, it's a clear light blue, not a cloud in sight. She stands up, offering me her hand. I take it, letting the dandelions slowly fall to the grass once more as I stand up.
"Yea. But, before I go, I have one last thing to do.", I say, watching as it changes into a familiar scenery, the woods near my house. Leslie nods, and disappears, leaving me to myself. I walk through a familiar road, passing the old treehouse, through the once colorful bridge of my childhood, all the way to the house next to mine, Jess's house. Ever so quietly, I climb up the wall and through the window, his room's window, only to find Jess fast asleep in his bed. Taking a deep breath, I slowly and gently sit on his bed, and brush his dark hair out of his face, mumbling softly, "Jess. Jesse.. Jess wake up.."
He mutters something incoherent, but opens his eyes, only to almost fall out of his bed, "Ronnie?!?! Is it you?!? But you were-and I was-No I must be hallucinating, I'm seeing things, I'm going crazy, I'm-"
I put my hand over his mouth to shut him up, seeing the bewilderment in his eyes, and put my hand down, "It's not a hallucination, you're not seeing things, you're not going crazy, it's not a dream either."
"But, but how is this, what are you?!?", he asks obviously terrified, maybe I shouldn't have done this, "Are you dead?!? No you can't be dead. Please tell me you're not dead."
"I'm not dead Jess, I'm not necessarily alive either but, look I don't know how to explain this.", I say. He sits up studying me intently, and, inch by inch, slowly touches my cheek with his hand, and that touch quickly turns into a caress. I shudder at his humanly warmth, already used to ice cold touch of the dead, though it instantly feels good.
"You're cold, like, vampire cold.", he said, I know he tried not to say the word "dead". His eyes go wide, "You're not-"
"-No. I'm not. I swear."
"I believe you. God it's so great to see you.", he says, his hand molding to my face, I smile, "But, what are you doing here?!"
I purse my lips, but smile dryly, "Just visiting, before I, well, I wanted to see you, I've been stuck in limbo all these freaking weeks taking guidance from a physically 10 year old angel."
He laughs a little, "Limbo huh?! Why don't you just, go back to your body?! Well, I'm pretty sure it's like that."
"It's, it's complicated. I had to sort things through, make some decisions.", I whisper to him, finally noticing that I'm about two inches away from his face, "Can you kiss a, 'half ghost'?!?"
He shrugs, leaning closer, now an inch away, "I don't know, but, I'm about to find out."
"I can see that.", I mumble chuckling. My lips finally meet his after what it seems like forever, and just the touch sends a chill down my spine, but it's a good feeling. When our lips finally part, it leaves me with a somewhat new love for him, the spark inside me ignited again. He gives me a smile, and his hand goes down from my face to my hand, grasping it tightly as if I were to crumble right there, "I've missed you."
"I've missed you too. Heck, I've been going crazy without you here.", he says looking down, caressing my hand.
I nod, "I know, I've seen you. You haven't slept."
"How-nevermind. Listen, this question's been haunting me ever since I found out," he started, watching me curiously, I nod encouragingly to continue, "Are you staying?!?"
I look at him confused, not really sure by what he means, "Staying?!? You mean here?!? I can't stay. I might be a somewhat spirit but I still have my virtues you know."
He chuckles at my purity, "It's not that. I mean, are you staying as in-"
"-You want to know if I'm going to die don't you?!?", I asked, and he nods. I bite my lower lip, not really sure what to answer, "I, can't answer you that. It's more complicated than you think. All I can tell you is that no matter what, I'll always be with you, forever."
"Forever.", he mumbles, "Forever seems so, impossible."
"It isn't.", I say, and look at the clock, 1:30 am, great. I slowly, hesitantly, let go of his hand, and he reluctantly does as well, and I stand up, "I have to go."
He stands up too, "Ok. But, think about what you're doing. You're not just leaving me you know, you're leaving your parents, your siblings, your friends.."
"My life.", I added.
"Your life.", he agrees.
"I know exactly what I will lose if I die. ", I mutter feeling guilty. I think about it for a second, remembering the quote my father told me the last time I saw him, **We don't know why bad things happen to good people, but we have to know-**
"-That something good will come out of it.", I whisper finishing the quote. Finally understanding it, I look at Jess, who's looking at me confused, "I'll always love you."
"I love you too.", he says kissing me again, but this time it was just a peck, "That, will be forever."
"Forever.", I agree, closing his eyes, and he falls asleep again in his bed, as if our meeting never happened.
I walk out of the house and into the woods again until I find myself in the meadow where I last saw Leslie. I walk in a quick circle for a mere second, then go north, into the horizon, following the bright light. As I keep leaving behind the meadow, I start getting glimpses of my life, the time I found out my family were vampires; the day I met Jess; our times at the treehouse; the times we would go camping with everyone from school and La Push; the times I fought with Edward that made our relationship crumble; when Jess kissed me for the first time at summer camp; our first date; the infinite amount of sleepovers and study sessions I had with my friends; and so on and so forth all the way up to the car accident. My family and my friends have been there in the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly, and I know that if they haven't forgotten me now, why would they forget me later on?!? I come to realize that everything will be fine, and they all will too. As my journey comes to an end, I understand what I will do with my life, and that even though life is hard, it's the good things and good people that make it all worth it, and let the white, bright, light block my vision as I slip into blackness once more...