things that you would never read in Twilight, New Moon, and so on

If you have ever been on the Lexicon before it got hacked, you might remember that they had a forum called "things that would never be said in Twilight/New Moon. Now that they changed it, you can't add any new topics and they didn't bring it back, which made me really sad. all their stuff was so funny! so i'm started one over here. just post funny things that you would never read in any of the books!

here's mine:

Edward: Leggo my eggo Jasper!

******************************************

Bella; Edward, how did you get in here?

Edward: I Apparated.

******************************************

Alice: I did NOT see that coming.

Jasper: What?

Alice: That I would look so COOL in the movie!

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lmao im wiv u on that 1 x

Missy~Cool Kids~ said:
HAHAHA!! that was hilarious! hey- i wouldnt complain if rob tried to get into my pants ^^

Brittney Gaither said:
bella_Edward why do you have that crazy accent.
edward_Bella i have told you a hundred times my name is Robert
bella_But you are Edward Cullen my vampire boyfriend and you are suppose to make all my dreams come true
edward_I am a British actor and I only play a vampire on tv
bella_So yesterday when you said your name was Edward you were just trying to get into my pants.
edward_ It worked didn't it?
thats a gud 1, imagine him being shot infront of 1 of the army ppl n he hardly flinches lmao x

Brittney Gaither said:
emmett > I am joining the army Carlisle!
Carlisle > That doesn't really make any sense.
emmett > Well I wouldn't have to use a gun i could just eat ppl
Carlisle > You know how i feel about that
emmett > c'mon Dad I wanna Be all that I can be!
Haha this 1 i fink is the best lmao

Simone Melissa Geier said:
Here is one:
At the End of Breaking dawn - a futer look.
Therapist: So, you are the Cullens. What can i do for you?
Esme: Well Doc, my kids are so ... weird sometimes.
Charlisle: Yes, we need your help.
Therapist: Okay then, let me see. So you are Emmett, aren't you?
Emmett: Yes, I am. But i have no problem. Rose is anorexic.
Therapist: Is that true Rosalie?
Rose: No I'm not.
Emmett: You are, i never see you eating.
Rose: Edward hears voices.
Therapist: Edward is this true?
Edward: Yes.
Therapist: And what do they say?
Edward: Sometimes, they tell me how sexy I am.
Bella: Shut up.
Edward: Oh come on, you are evil an harsh.
Therapist: Bella?
Bella: No, I'm not. Oh let's come home Edward, you will see what will happen than...
Edward: Doc, do you see what i mean?
Bella: Jasper likes Men.
Therapist: Jasper is that true?
Jasper: Yes and no. I like men who are wearing a uniform.
Alice: Yes, yes he does...ha ha ha...yes.
Therapist: Alice are you alright?
Rose: She is always so jittery.
Therapist. Alice, are you stoned?
Alice: ha ha ha, no no no, .... all this pics in my head... i see the future....ha ha. And Emmett wears lingerie.
Emmett: Just because rose like it.
Rose: grrrr
Therapist: Ok, let me resume: Emmett is a Cross dresser, Rose is anorexic, Edward hears voices, Bella is evil and harsh, Alice has a drug problem and Jasper is bi-sexuell. Should i know soemthing else?
Edward: Yes, we are Vampires.
Therapist falls of his seat.
Charlisle: ok, take the video and let's go.
Esme: I love Home Videos
Haha this 1 i fink is the best lmao

Simone Melissa Geier said:
Here is one:
At the End of Breaking dawn - a futer look.
Therapist: So, you are the Cullens. What can i do for you?
Esme: Well Doc, my kids are so ... weird sometimes.
Charlisle: Yes, we need your help.
Therapist: Okay then, let me see. So you are Emmett, aren't you?
Emmett: Yes, I am. But i have no problem. Rose is anorexic.
Therapist: Is that true Rosalie?
Rose: No I'm not.
Emmett: You are, i never see you eating.
Rose: Edward hears voices.
Therapist: Edward is this true?
Edward: Yes.
Therapist: And what do they say?
Edward: Sometimes, they tell me how sexy I am.
Bella: Shut up.
Edward: Oh come on, you are evil an harsh.
Therapist: Bella?
Bella: No, I'm not. Oh let's come home Edward, you will see what will happen than...
Edward: Doc, do you see what i mean?
Bella: Jasper likes Men.
Therapist: Jasper is that true?
Jasper: Yes and no. I like men who are wearing a uniform.
Alice: Yes, yes he does...ha ha ha...yes.
Therapist: Alice are you alright?
Rose: She is always so jittery.
Therapist. Alice, are you stoned?
Alice: ha ha ha, no no no, .... all this pics in my head... i see the future....ha ha. And Emmett wears lingerie.
Emmett: Just because rose like it.
Rose: grrrr
Therapist: Ok, let me resume: Emmett is a Cross dresser, Rose is anorexic, Edward hears voices, Bella is evil and harsh, Alice has a drug problem and Jasper is bi-sexuell. Should i know soemthing else?
Edward: Yes, we are Vampires.
Therapist falls of his seat.
Charlisle: ok, take the video and let's go.
Esme: I love Home Videos
Esme: *watches Edward and Bella cuddle on the couch* Ah, to be young and in love.

Carlisle: Young? Edward is over 100 years old!
that i sooo funny hahaha .what if that actually happens ohh *swoons*♥

Brittney Gaither said:
sex scene in breaking dawn at the shoot with rob and kstew

Director ; "Cut!! Cut!! I said Cut!!!
20 minutes later
"Cut!"

Kstew's Boyfriend enters the room.....
Director ; "It's not time for the Jacob scenes yet Michael."
so heres one

EDWARD: Bella i wanna do it with you
BELLA: When?
Edward: Now!! (starts taking his clothes off)
Bella:Holly! *looks at his dingalin* man thats big
Edward: yeah (grads bella and gets her naked; and they start doing it)
Bella: Hale yes!!!!!
Edward: what you like Jasper !?
Bella: kinda why
Edward: you been cheating on me
Bella: yes i did
Edward: but i had f*** you 6 times
Bella: yes but hes better he has it bigger anyway
Jasper: yeah dude her tongue is hot
Edward:WTF!!!!!!!!
THE VOLTURI'S PAST-TIME

Ever wonder what the Volturi do in their free time? Well here it is! (for Liz and Kensie):

*inside the Volturi's layer, we hear yells, cheers, and boos from the circular room*

Aro: Excellent! That is another 34 points for me.

Marcus: *messes with end of cloak* eh.

Caius: NOOOO! *glares*

Aro: ok Caius, it is your turn! *claps*

Caius: *puts letters on board* M-U-R-D-E-R. what is that? FELIX! calculate that for me! Chop chop!

Felix: *calculates* uhh... thats 9 times a triple so 27

Caius: *glares* I hate you all.

Aro: Wonderful! Marcus, it is your turn! *claps enthusiastically*

Marcus: eh, whatever. *puts letters down* S-F-G-T-E-D-E

Caius: THATS NOT EVEN A WORD!!! *glares....alot*

Aro: Don't be so mean! it's a word SOMEWHERE! 42 points for you Marcus!! *claps too much* oww...anyways, YAY!

Caius: *glares*

Alec: *sits in corner with Liz, giggling.*

Pete Wentz: *sits in other corner with Kenzie, more than giggling*

Aro: Pete Wentz! When did you get here?!? *claps**hands bleed*

Caius: *glares* I HATE YOU ALL

Marcus: eh, whatever.
Brittney Gaither said:
Bella walks in the other room away from Edward
Bella "Pffft." Bella blushes
Edward "You know I can hear and smell that anyway. I could hear your farts for miles away Bella"
Bella thinks " Damn Vampires"
lmao thats a good one
lmao thats so funny my side hurts now

Brittney Gaither said:
Edward ' You did tell Bella we were just going hunting for the bachelor party right?"
Jasper " Of course I did! What did you think I would tell her where we are really going?" (he laughs)
Emmett sulks " Yeah I would never tell anyone where we are?"
Edward " Come on you Know you love Celine Dion too"
Emmett " I do like some of her songs but I wouldn't be caught dead at her concert Edward I can't believe this crap!"
Jasper "Emmett you are dead."
Edward sings " My heart will go on and on!!"
Jasper "man i love that movie!"
omg thats so funny

andru!! said:
omg that wass soo freaking funny!!
LOL
but i didn't get it how come bella is evil?

Simone Melissa Geier said:
Here is one:
At the End of Breaking dawn - a futer look.
Therapist: So, you are the Cullens. What can i do for you?
Esme: Well Doc, my kids are so ... weird sometimes.
Charlisle: Yes, we need your help.
Therapist: Okay then, let me see. So you are Emmett, aren't you?
Emmett: Yes, I am. But i have no problem. Rose is anorexic.
Therapist: Is that true Rosalie?
Rose: No I'm not.
Emmett: You are, i never see you eating.
Rose: Edward hears voices.
Therapist: Edward is this true?
Edward: Yes.
Therapist: And what do they say?
Edward: Sometimes, they tell me how sexy I am.
Bella: Shut up.
Edward: Oh come on, you are evil an harsh.
Therapist: Bella?
Bella: No, I'm not. Oh let's come home Edward, you will see what will happen than...
Edward: Doc, do you see what i mean?
Bella: Jasper likes Men.
Therapist: Jasper is that true?
Jasper: Yes and no. I like men who are wearing a uniform.
Alice: Yes, yes he does...ha ha ha...yes.
Therapist: Alice are you alright?
Rose: She is always so jittery.
Therapist. Alice, are you stoned?
Alice: ha ha ha, no no no, .... all this pics in my head... i see the future....ha ha. And Emmett wears lingerie.
Emmett: Just because rose like it.
Rose: grrrr
Therapist: Ok, let me resume: Emmett is a Cross dresser, Rose is anorexic, Edward hears voices, Bella is evil and harsh, Alice has a drug problem and Jasper is bi-sexuell. Should i know soemthing else?
Edward: Yes, we are Vampires.
Therapist falls of his seat.
Charlisle: ok, take the video and let's go.
Esme: I love Home Videos
when bella finds out edward a vampire


Bella: you wont hurt me

Edward : come with me

Bella: what? Where we going ?

Edward: I need to show you , You have to see me sparkle

Bella: Your taking me to a gay bar ?

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