things that you would never read in Twilight, New Moon, and so on

If you have ever been on the Lexicon before it got hacked, you might remember that they had a forum called "things that would never be said in Twilight/New Moon. Now that they changed it, you can't add any new topics and they didn't bring it back, which made me really sad. all their stuff was so funny! so i'm started one over here. just post funny things that you would never read in any of the books!

here's mine:

Edward: Leggo my eggo Jasper!

******************************************

Bella; Edward, how did you get in here?

Edward: I Apparated.

******************************************

Alice: I did NOT see that coming.

Jasper: What?

Alice: That I would look so COOL in the movie!

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JACOB:*singing* i kissed ur mom and i liked it
RENESMEE: u did wat with my mom!
JACOB: i kissed her, ness that was a long time ago
RENESMEE: uve been cheating me with my mom!
JACOB: she was still human, u werent even born yet
RENESMME: and does that that give u the right to kiss her, she married 4 GOD SAKES!
JACOB: well kinda, Nessie don't freak out, the past is the past, u r mine now
RENESMEE: MOM! come here please
BELLA: what is it darling?
RENESMEE: did u and Jakey Poo kissed
BELLA: uh
edward and bella at the cottage in bed
BELLA: *moans loudly* oh yes! omg ! yes yes!
EDWARD:u like it don't ya u sexy b****?!
BELLA *moans* YES!!!!!
EDWARD: yeah baby!
in the far corner by the door Renesmee is looking
RENESMEE:*giggling softly* omg
BELLA AND EDWARD: renesmee!!!!!!
BELLA: omg!!!!! she shouldn't be watching us doing this *covers with the sheets*
EDWARD: renesmee go to ur room!!!!! NOW
RENESMEE: no way! im filming this *shows them a camera*
BELLA:OMG OMG OMG ! edward stop
EDWARD: ok renesmee! go to ur room
the next day in the main house Edward and Bella come in
as soon as they come in they hear emmet laughing
EDWARD: what is so funny
EMMETT:*laughing* haha*shows them a tape that said SEX TAPE edward and bella*
EDWARD AND BELLA: omg!!!!!!!
BELLA: this is soo embarassing
AlICE: u think; this is better than E! News
ROSALIE: Edward i didn't know u were a sex addict
EDWARD: im not!
JASPER: u feel embarassed, u too Bella
EDWARD AND BELLA: of course we do!
BELLA: come on edward lets go!
EMMETT: 2 have more sex
everybody laughs
BELLA: we are gonna have more sex right now right?
EDWARD: *excited* duh!
BELLA: *gets turned on* oh yeah!
end of story



i dont know that just popped into my head is funny though
LMAO!!!! thats so funny

Alessandra Cullen ♥ Edward♥ said:
edward and bella at the cottage in bed
BELLA: *moans loudly* oh yes! omg ! yes yes!
EDWARD:u like it don't ya u sexy b****?!
BELLA *moans* YES!!!!!
EDWARD: yeah baby!
in the far corner by the door Renesmee is looking
RENESMEE:*giggling softly* omg
BELLA AND EDWARD: renesmee!!!!!!
BELLA: omg!!!!! she shouldn't be watching us doing this *covers with the sheets*
EDWARD: renesmee go to ur room!!!!! NOW
RENESMEE: no way! im filming this *shows them a camera*
BELLA:OMG OMG OMG ! edward stop
EDWARD: ok renesmee! go to ur room
the next day in the main house Edward and Bella come in
as soon as they come in they hear emmet laughing
EDWARD: what is so funny
EMMETT:*laughing* haha*shows them a tape that said SEX TAPE edward and bella*
EDWARD AND BELLA: omg!!!!!!!
BELLA: this is soo embarassing
AlICE: u think; this is better than E! News
ROSALIE: Edward i didn't know u were a sex addict
EDWARD: im not!
JASPER: u feel embarassed, u too Bella
EDWARD AND BELLA: of course we do!
BELLA: come on edward lets go!
EMMETT: 2 have more sex
everybody laughs
BELLA: we are gonna have more sex right now right?
EDWARD: *excited* duh!
BELLA: *gets turned on* oh yeah!
end of story



i dont know that just popped into my head is funny though
back a long time ago when Edward was just 13
Elizabeth Masen: Edward! go to ur room now
lil Edward: nooooo! im watching Titanic
the TV: Ill come for you Rose, oh Jack i love you
lil Edward: i ♥ u too jack!
Elizabeth enters the living room
Elizabeth: edward did u just said u ♥ that guy
Edward: *embarassed* uhh no
Elizabeth: *weird face * ok?
in school back in watever year
A friend: hey edward lets get naked
lil Edward: no way that is disgusting
Friend: watever * takes his clothes off* woooooo baby
lil Edward *in his head* i like men now!
Now
growned Edward:*thinks* i can´t believe i was gay!
oh god what am i gonna tell bella
thanxs god i got over it * turns the tv on to Little Ashes and watches RPatzz getting naked infront of a mirror*
Edward: i like men again!!
Bella: 0_o
Edward and bella are in bed.
Bella:Edward stop biteing the pillows
Edward:I bite them so i don't bite you
Bella:well if you bite me at least id feal something
HAHAHA! that was funny! poor edward isnt measuring up

sj said:
Edward and bella are in bed.
Bella:Edward stop biteing the pillows
Edward:I bite them so i don't bite you
Bella:well if you bite me at least id feal something
in the forest
EDWARD: *sees alice and jasper kissing*
BELLA: *singing* Alice and jasper sittimg on a trre k.i.s.s.i.n.g
ALICE: bella shut up. u r ruinig the mood around here
JASPER: yeah i can totally feel it
EDWARD:oh cm on i mean Alice didnt u saw that coming
ALICE: yes i did but, uhh!, forget it
EDWARD: is forgoten
the next day
EDWARD AND BELLA: *singing* alice and jasper were sitting on a tree k.i.s.s.i.n.g!
JASPER: see i told you they werent gonna forget it
ALICE: is like we havent seen u 2 kissing, remember yesterday
in alice memory she remembers edward and bella kissing pasionatly in the couch in front of everybody
EDWARD: oh that 0_o
ALICE: yup that
BELLA: pshh shut up
JASPER: what did i said!?
BELLA: nothing u always say nothing thats why im mad
JASPER: that dosent make sense!
BELLA: exactly
EDWARD, JASPER, AND ALICE: huh? 0_o
Bella and Edward talk about being married.
Edward: So, Bella, are you finally getting used to the idea of me being your husband? (kisses her neck)
Bella: Hale, yes (smiles)
Edward: No no, love, your last name will be Cullen
Bella: you can't go out in the sunlight, somebody could see you
Edward:nah, don't worry, i borrowed Stefan's ring *grin*
Lol. I was laughing for like 10 minutes straight

Missy (Team Love Hexagon) said:
*post breaking dawn*

emmett: *calls bella on the phone and gets her voicemail* Hey Bella... umm....first off i'd like to say im sorry....don't hurt me....well....i was playing around with this grizzlie.....you know emmett style and i may have accidentally fell on renesmee....
HAHAHA! i love it! that cracked me up. And now i have an idea.

littleJane said:
Bella: you can't go out in the sunlight, somebody could see you
Edward:nah, don't worry, i borrowed Stefan's ring *grin*
Edward: *comes home with red eyes*
Bella: Edward! What did you do? Who did you eat?
Edward: hehe I ate Mike.
Bella: Why? I thought you DIDN'T want to be a monster?
Edward: Oh I'm not becoming a monster, It's the only way to become strong enough to beat Damon. *looks around* Now where's that vervain I grew?

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