things that you would never read in Twilight, New Moon, and so on

If you have ever been on the Lexicon before it got hacked, you might remember that they had a forum called "things that would never be said in Twilight/New Moon. Now that they changed it, you can't add any new topics and they didn't bring it back, which made me really sad. all their stuff was so funny! so i'm started one over here. just post funny things that you would never read in any of the books!

here's mine:

Edward: Leggo my eggo Jasper!


Bella; Edward, how did you get in here?

Edward: I Apparated.


Alice: I did NOT see that coming.

Jasper: What?

Alice: That I would look so COOL in the movie!

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oh hahahahaha that was very funny!!!!1 XD

Anii PiinK ROse cOvEn♥ said:
haha ok this ones my 1st one...i know its a bit insultin t twilight but i think its funny lol

after breakin dawn...edward went out for a hunt and came back when nessie was asleep and bella was watchin tv and bella didnt noticed

bella: *sights*
TV: caroline: why dont u sparkel in the sun.?
damon: im a normal vampire that burns in the sun.......
edward: what the....
: thats so right....!!i was totaly wrote on the wrong book..!!i wish edward was more like damon

TV: sex scen again

bella*sights* he's so dreamy
edward:*talks to himself* ok 1st i changed she wants me to burn in the sun and not sparkle...thers no pleasin this girl O.o
OMFG! too funny! i was in stitches for like 10 mins!

Simone Melissa Geier said:
Here is one:
At the End of Breaking dawn - a futer look. Therapist: So, you are the Cullens. What can i do for you? Esme: Well Doc, my kids are so ... weird sometimes.
Charlisle: Yes, we need your help.
Therapist: Okay then, let me see. So you are Emmett, aren't you?
Emmett: Yes, I am. But i have no problem. Rose is anorexic.
Therapist: Is that true Rosalie?
Rose: No I'm not.
Emmett: You are, i never see you eating.
Rose: Edward hears voices.
Therapist: Edward is this true?
Edward: Yes.
Therapist: And what do they say?
Edward: Sometimes, they tell me how sexy I am.
Bella: Shut up.
Edward: Oh come on, you are evil an harsh.
Therapist: Bella?
Bella: No, I'm not. Oh let's come home Edward, you will see what will happen than...
Edward: Doc, do you see what i mean?
Bella: Jasper likes Men.
Therapist: Jasper is that true?
Jasper: Yes and no. I like men who are wearing a uniform.
Alice: Yes, yes he does...ha ha ha...yes.
Therapist: Alice are you alright?
Rose: She is always so jittery.
Therapist. Alice, are you stoned?
Alice: ha ha ha, no no no, .... all this pics in my head... i see the future....ha ha. And Emmett wears lingerie.
Emmett: Just because rose like it.
Rose: grrrr
Therapist: Ok, let me resume: Emmett is a Cross dresser, Rose is anorexic, Edward hears voices, Bella is evil and harsh, Alice has a drug problem and Jasper is bi-sexuell. Should i know soemthing else?
Edward: Yes, we are Vampires.
Therapist falls of his seat.
Charlisle: ok, take the video and let's go.
Esme: I love Home Videos
Too Funny!

Faviola Gabrielle Caldera said:
Missy (Team Love Hexagon) said:
Edward: Im a barbie girl, in a barbie world. *does a twirl* you can brush my hair and dress me anywhere! I feel so pretty, oh so pretty! i feel pretty and witty and GAY!!!! oh Bella don't you just love this skirt I'm wearing?

Bella: Oh My God!?!? what has happened to you Edward?? snap out of it! Jacob kissed me again today.

Edward: aww that's nice! he's so cute. and buff! *giggles*

Bella: aren't you going to get mad?? aren't you going to be all manly and beat him up??? growl a little? something?

Edward: eww no! that would mess up my nails!

Jasper: *snickers in the hallway with emmett* this is so much fun!
My favorite one of all the ones i've read.... I totally saw that happening :D
haha the second one it's alright if bella eats his cookies he doesnt like them anyway lolz x

Missy (Team Twinkie) said:
let me think of a few more

Edward: Lumos! Lumos!! LUMOS!!! Gah! stupid wand. that Harry Potter dude ripped me off.

Bella: Umm Edward?

Edward: Yeah?

Bella: *points behind Edward at a fly*

Edward: oh sorry Emmett!


Edward: Bella; you are utterly absurd!

Bella: What?

Edward: You ate my cookies!!

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