Right so things you would never read in the books right?? Here's an alternate version of the of New Moon.
Edward: "Bella I'm leaving you."
Bella: "What? Why? Oh no, you've found someone else haven't you? It's Jessica isn't it?! That b**** I'll get her!!"
Edward: "No Bella, it's not Jessica."
Bella: "Then WHO is it?!"
Edward: ".... Mike."
LOL Srry that just popped into my head so i really wanted to write it XD
Edward: Im a barbie girl, in a barbie world. *does a twirl* you can brush my hair and dress me anywhere! I feel so pretty, oh so pretty! i feel pretty and witty and GAY!!!! oh Bella don't you just love this skirt I'm wearing?
Bella: Oh My God!?!? what has happened to you Edward?? snap out of it! Jacob kissed me again today.
Edward: aww that's nice! he's so cute. and buff! *giggles*
Bella: aren't you going to get mad?? aren't you going to be all manly and beat him up??? growl a little? something?
Edward: eww no! that would mess up my nails!
Jasper: *snickers in the hallway with emmett* this is so much fun!
emmett > I am joining the army Carlisle!
Carlisle > That doesn't really make any sense.
emmett > Well I wouldn't have to use a gun i could just eat ppl
Carlisle > You know how i feel about that
emmett > c'mon Dad I wanna Be all that I can be!
Here is one:
At the End of Breaking dawn - a futer look.
Therapist: So, you are the Cullens. What can i do for you?
Esme: Well Doc, my kids are so ... weird sometimes.
Charlisle: Yes, we need your help.
Therapist: Okay then, let me see. So you are Emmett, aren't you?
Emmett: Yes, I am. But i have no problem. Rose is anorexic.
Therapist: Is that true Rosalie?
Rose: No I'm not.
Emmett: You are, i never see you eating.
Rose: Edward hears voices.
Therapist: Edward is this true?
Therapist: And what do they say?
Edward: Sometimes, they tell me how sexy I am.
Bella: Shut up.
Edward: Oh come on, you are evil an harsh.
Bella: No, I'm not. Oh let's come home Edward, you will see what will happen than...
Edward: Doc, do you see what i mean?
Bella: Jasper likes Men.
Therapist: Jasper is that true?
Jasper: Yes and no. I like men who are wearing a uniform.
Alice: Yes, yes he does...ha ha ha...yes.
Therapist: Alice are you alright?
Rose: She is always so jittery.
Therapist. Alice, are you stoned?
Alice: ha ha ha, no no no, .... all this pics in my head... i see the future....ha ha. And Emmett wears lingerie.
Emmett: Just because rose like it.
Therapist: Ok, let me resume: Emmett is a Cross dresser, Rose is anorexic, Edward hears voices, Bella is evil and harsh, Alice has a drug problem and Jasper is bi-sexuell. Should i know soemthing else?
Edward: Yes, we are Vampires.
Therapist falls of his seat.
Charlisle: ok, take the video and let's go.
Esme: I love Home Videos