things that you would never read in Twilight, New Moon, and so on

If you have ever been on the Lexicon before it got hacked, you might remember that they had a forum called "things that would never be said in Twilight/New Moon. Now that they changed it, you can't add any new topics and they didn't bring it back, which made me really sad. all their stuff was so funny! so i'm started one over here. just post funny things that you would never read in any of the books!

here's mine:

Edward: Leggo my eggo Jasper!

******************************************

Bella; Edward, how did you get in here?

Edward: I Apparated.

******************************************

Alice: I did NOT see that coming.

Jasper: What?

Alice: That I would look so COOL in the movie!

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Bella and Edward comes through the garage, Bella holding her broken hand. Emmett sees them holding up his jeep while Rosalie is under it.

Emmett: Fall down again Bella?

Bella: No Emmett I punched a werewolf.

Emmett: Way to go Bella *raises his fist at Bella, lets go of the jeep*

Rosalie: Umph!

Edward and Bella exchange looks and hurries inside the house.
missy metzler said:
Catherine said:
Jacob Fan Girls vs. Edward Fan Girls!

Fan Girls for Jacob: Jacob Jacob he's our man, if Can't do it know can! Go Jacob! *forms pyramid*

Fan Girls for Edward: Sparkle Sparkle Pretty and Hot, Edward is Everything Jacob is Not! *does flips*

Fan Girls for Jacob: U.G.L.Y EDWARD GOT NO ALIBI, HE UGLY, WHAT WHAT HE UGLAY!

Fan Girls for Edward: I SAY BRR BRR ITS GETTING COLD IN HERE THERE MUST BE WEREWOLF IN THE ATMOSPHERE!

Out of nowhere Edward, Bella and Jacob walk in among the Fan girls battle!

Bella: Omg...look at all these stupid fan girls fighting over you two! *laughs out loud*

Edward: It's not funny, I can't seem to escape from them! They won't leave my alone! *cowers behind Bella*

Jacob: Haha, sucks for you, but once I agree with you! This getting out of hand! *backs away slowly*


All the Fan Girls spot Edward and Jacob and start to turn into a Major Fan Girl Robot!

TWILIGHT FAN GIRL POWERS ACTIVATE!

Edward, Bella, and Jacob, join together to become the Super Twilight Character Robot!

TWILIGHT BOOK POWERS ACTIVATE!



THE TWO HUGE ROBOTS GET INTO TO SUPER NINJA COMBATE, THE BOOK HEROES WON, BUT THE TWILIGHT FAN GIRL SHALL HAVE THEIR REVENGE! LOL

wow katie u got a super genius mind lol idk where u come up with these things...

If I told you, then I have to kill you! lol jk. I don't know I just come up with them! lol
Robert pattinson: I would love to spend the day with Edward Cullen.. have a few questions I want to ask...

[Edward appears]

Robert: [shock!] Oh my god you're real?! I like, play you in the movie!

Edward: Pffft! B**** please you can't play THIS [lifts shirt to reveal AMAZING ABS!]



Loool srry i just really wanted to write that XD
haha that one was funny. it gave me an idea

Bella: sigh...Kristen Stewart is way too pretty to be playing me in the movie.

Alice: don't be so harsh on yourself. you're pretty! you're still the most beautiful person to Edward. she doesn't compare to you.

Edward: what are you talking about? Kristen is freakin HOT!!! i'd do her. In fact i already have.

Bella: Oh My God!!! Edward you heartless bloodsucker!!! GO DIE!!! *runs away sobbing*

Edward: come here, Renesmee! I want you to meet your new half sister!
Bella: Mwahahaha!! ahem. MWAHAHAHA!!! hmmm....mwahaHAHA!!! no thats not it.....*paces back and forth*

Edward: Bella, just because you are a vampire, you do NOT need and evil laugh.

Bella: Edward, you are no fun. I should have married Jacob. At least he let me cliff dive. *grumble grumble*
How bout this totaly cliche but still funny :D
Edward-"Bella im sorry but i've moved on"
Bella- "what??you said you loved me"
Edward"yes well jacobs offer was too good to ressist sorry" *skips off into distance*
Bella: ..... :O
ok so it alaways struck me about edwards suicide thing that he was so desperate for death but he just couldn't figure out how to do it...hmm the volturi the only option....

Rosalie: Edwarsd bellas dead, so now what u gonna do?

Edward: no, no no NO NOOOOOOOOO!!! I can't live without Bella i can't!

Rosalie: no Edward don't do anything stupid

Edward: no i won't i swear i wont go to italy...*in his head*--- yeah i super smart not like dum carlisle i worked it out using my massive inellect...i just throw myself into a volcano or lock myself in a crematorium oven....duh... these guys must think i stupid...gonna let some guys tear me apart and then burn me...like no!
missy metzler said:
let me think of a few more
Edward: Lumos! Lumos!! LUMOS!!! Gah! stupid wand. that Harry Potter dude ripped me off.
Bella: Umm Edward?

Edward: Yeah?

Bella: *points behind Edward at a fly*

Edward: oh sorry Emmett!

***************************************

Edward: Bella; you are utterly absurd!

Bella: What?

Edward: You ate my cookies!!

XD *dies laughing*
The wedding

Edward: I do!

Priest: you may kiss the bride!

Edward: *lifts the veil and see Jacob* What is the meaning of this?

Jacob: *snorts* Being 2 feet taller than Bella and you still didn't know!

Bella: *tapping her foot angrily*
*post breaking dawn*

emmett: *calls bella on the phone and gets her voicemail* Hey Bella... umm....first off i'd like to say im sorry....don't hurt me....well....i was playing around with this grizzlie.....you know emmett style and i may have accidentally fell on renesmee....
Jasper: I didn't kill the hiker that had a bleeding nose!
Alice: Really? Well I just took Emmett shopping!
Emmett: Do you want me to make you watch the film I bought for me Nessie about pink rabbits and flower fields?
Alice: Emmett? You bought it for yourself. I saw you doing it!
Emmett: But I was... I forgot you saw more than enough!
Alice: Bella! I hope you are filming this!
Bella: Can't. Shopping. Online.
Alice: BELLA! How could you!? This would look so good on Forktube!
Bella, Emmett, Jasper: What?
Alice: Edward! WHY AREN'T YOU READING MY MIND!!!???

Only some lines are topic-related. The others just lead to lines that are important
_________________________________________________________________________________________________
Edward: Im a barbie girl, in a barbie world. *does a twirl* you can brush my hair and dress me anywhere! I feel so pretty, oh so pretty! i feel pretty and witty and GAY!!!! oh Bella don't you just love this skirt I'm wearing?

Bella: Oh My God!?!? what has happened to you Edward?? snap out of it! Jacob kissed me again today.

Edward: aww that's nice! he's so cute. and buff! *giggles*

Bella: aren't you going to get mad?? aren't you going to be all manly and beat him up??? growl a little? something?

Edward: eww no! that would mess up my nails!

Jasper: *snickers in the hallway with emmett* this is so much fun!

__________________________________________________________

Thats so funnyy. Missy.. I almost pisseed my pants. !!

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