things that you would never read in Twilight, New Moon, and so on

If you have ever been on the Lexicon before it got hacked, you might remember that they had a forum called "things that would never be said in Twilight/New Moon. Now that they changed it, you can't add any new topics and they didn't bring it back, which made me really sad. all their stuff was so funny! so i'm started one over here. just post funny things that you would never read in any of the books!

here's mine:

Edward: Leggo my eggo Jasper!

******************************************

Bella; Edward, how did you get in here?

Edward: I Apparated.

******************************************

Alice: I did NOT see that coming.

Jasper: What?

Alice: That I would look so COOL in the movie!

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bella_Edward why do you have that crazy accent.
edward_Bella i have told you a hundred times my name is Robert
bella_But you are Edward Cullen my vampire boyfriend and you are suppose to make all my dreams come true
edward_I am a British actor and I only play a vampire on tv
bella_So yesterday when you said your name was Edward you were just trying to get into my pants.
edward_ It worked didn't it?
HAHAHA!! that was hilarious! hey- i wouldnt complain if rob tried to get into my pants ^^

Brittney Gaither said:
bella_Edward why do you have that crazy accent.
edward_Bella i have told you a hundred times my name is Robert
bella_But you are Edward Cullen my vampire boyfriend and you are suppose to make all my dreams come true
edward_I am a British actor and I only play a vampire on tv
bella_So yesterday when you said your name was Edward you were just trying to get into my pants.
edward_ It worked didn't it?
sex scene in breaking dawn at the shoot with rob and kstew

Director ; "Cut!! Cut!! I said Cut!!!
20 minutes later
"Cut!"

Kstew's Boyfriend enters the room.....
Director ; "It's not time for the Jacob scenes yet Michael."
Edward ' You did tell Bella we were just going hunting for the bachelor party right?"
Jasper " Of course I did! What did you think I would tell her where we are really going?" (he laughs)
Emmett sulks " Yeah I would never tell anyone where we are?"
Edward " Come on you Know you love Celine Dion too"
Emmett " I do like some of her songs but I wouldn't be caught dead at her concert Edward I can't believe this crap!"
Jasper "Emmett you are dead."
Edward sings " My heart will go on and on!!"
Jasper "man i love that movie!"
emmett > I am joining the army Carlisle!
Carlisle > That doesn't really make any sense.
emmett > Well I wouldn't have to use a gun i could just eat ppl
Carlisle > You know how i feel about that
emmett > c'mon Dad I wanna Be all that I can be!
Got this one from Sheena....its hilarious! We (Stina, Sheena, Sam, and me) we're all talking about the fanfiction contest last night and she said this (and im putting it in context of what would be said in the movie).

Edward: *leaning forward from a tree) I wanted to write about you. I never wanted to write about someone so much before.

Bella: Oh My God, Edward! Just make a move already!
haha that's so funny.

Edward: Bella I'm leaving you.

Bella: I was going to break up with you anyways.

Edward: Wait? What? I'm supposed to break up with you and you're supposed to be devistated!

Bella: Yeah, about that... I found someone more suitable for me.

Edward: It's because I'm a monster isn't it?

Bella: No, Mike Newton just has a bigger p***s.
lol hahaha that is funny!

Paige Alexis said:
haha that's so funny.

Edward: Bella I'm leaving you.

Bella: I was going to break up with you anyways.

Edward: Wait? What? I'm supposed to break up with you and you're supposed to be devistated!

Bella: Yeah, about that... I found someone more suitable for me.

Edward: It's because I'm a monster isn't it?

Bella: No, Mike Newton just has a bigger p***s.
Caius: (sings) Joanna! Joooooana!

Edward: DUDE! This is New Moon, not Sweeny Todd.


(just in case you didn't know, the person who plays caius is the dude from Sweeny Todd. not my best work lol)
BREAKING DAWN HONEYMOON SCENE(SEX ESCENE)

BELLA:OMG....Y UR D1CK IS SOO HOTT??
EDWARD:(EMBARRECED) I KINDA WARMED UP FIRST
BELLA:WTF??Y WILL U DO THAT??I LOVE UL COLD SKIN
EDWARD:I THOUGH U LIKED IT HOT, LIKE JACOB HAVE IT
BELLA:HOW DO U KNOW HOW JACOB HAVE IT??
EDWARD:WELL...I MIGHT TRIED IT....U KNOW ONLY TO KNOW WHAT U WERE LOSSING.....I´M NOT GAY
BELLA:(ANGRY) U B****!!!U WANNA F*CK JACOB...THATS Y U DIDN´T LEAVE HIM BE WITH ME RIGHT?
EDWARD:WHAT??BELLA FORGET ABOUT IT OK?
BELLA:WHAT I´LL NEVER FORGET IT
EDWARD:(HE START TOUCHING HER N MOVING)
BELLA:OK...ITS FORGOTEN........KEEP DOING ITª!!!!
EDWARD:YESSS!!!COMEEEE...""YESSS!!!!I LOVEE U
BELLA:I LOVE U 2
EDWARD: I LOVEE U JACOB!!
BELLA:WTF????
EDWARD:(MOVING FASTR N FASTER)YESSS!!!
BELLA:EDWARD SLOW DOWN!!U KNOW I´M NOT A FREAKING WOLF!!!!
EDWARD:RIGHT UR NOT.....UHM.....
BELLA:I HAVNT TOLD U TO STOP
EDWARD:ITS OK...ANYWAY MR. EDDY ITS OFF NOW....
BELLA:DO U WANT NEXT TIME I DRESED UP LIKE A WOLF?
EDWARD:YES...THAT WILL HELP A LITTLE...
BELLA:I WAS JUST KIDDING!!!
EDWARD:(SHOCKED)ITS NOT FUNNY.....WHY DO U HAVE TO PLAY WITH MY FELLINGS??!!!
BELLA:WHAT??
EDWARD:WHYYY..........!!!!I WILL NEVER F*** U AGAIN......I HATE U...AT LEAST U HAVE THE LOVE OF JACOB..HE ONLY WANTED TO F*** ME ONCE...N IT WAS ONLY CUZ I LET HIM KISS U...
BELLA: R U FREAKING KIDDING ME????
BELLA´S ROOM 1ST NIGHT EDWARD GO TO SEE HER SLEEP

BELLA:EDWARD.....OMG....I LOVEE YOU
EDWARD:WTF?WE HAVNT EVEN DATE....HOW CAN SHE LOVD ME ALREADY?WEIRDO
BELLLA:PFFFF
EDWARD:GREAT, SHE IS CRAZY N SHE FARTS!!
BELLA:(RACE HER ARM)
EDWARD:OMG, DOESNT SHE HAV A DESODORANT??
BELLA:AHAAAAAAA(sigh)
EDWARD:N SHE DIDNT BRUSH HER TEETH!!!
BELLA:(SNOR)
EDWARD: N SHE SNOR!! I GOT 2 GOOO!!!
BELLA:EDWARD PLIZ DNT GOO!!
EDWARD:WTF!!¿??
BELLA:PLEASEE!!U CAN´T CUZ IF U DO, WE´LL NEVER GET MARRY, W´LL HAVE RENESSME, N I WILL NEVER KISS JACOB!!!HOW CAN U LEAVE ME WITHOUT KISSING JACOB!!!DNT BE A SELFISH B****!!!STAY N HOLD ON!!
EDWARD:DID SHE JUST SAID ALL THOSE THINGS??
BELLA:PLEASSEEE!!!(SNORING AGAIN)
EDWARD:FINE I´LL STAY, BUT FIRST I HAVE TO GO TO PIC UP MY IPOD N I HAVE TO LEARN TO STOP BREATHING
BELLA:WIIIIII
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
AFTER GYM CLASS(when edward sayd to bella that she hit her head)

BELLA:WHATS WRONG?
EDWARD:THAT MIKE KID GETS ONMY NERVS
BELLA:Y?
EDWARD: CUZ HE THINKS UR HOTTER THAN ME...I MEAN WTF IS HIS PROBLEM???!!
BELLA:HONEY U KNOW UR HOTTER THAN ME...HE IS JUST STRAIGHT
EDWARD:BUT ITS NOT ONLY MIKE, ITS ALSO JACOB, ERICK N TYLER.....:(
BELLA:BUT I LOVE U, N I THINK UR SUPER HOT
EDWARD:LIKE THATS ENOUGH..U DON´T HAVE THREE LEGS......
BELLA:WTF?U DNT THINK I´M ENOUGH CUZ I DONT HAV A D1CK?
EDWARD:UHMMM....WELL YEAHH....
BELLA: BUT...I ´LL USED A VIBRATER!!!PLEASEE..DNT GO AFTER THEM..PLIZZ!!
EDWARD:OK...BUT MMMM...U MAY HAV TO USE A BIG ONEE!!
BELLA: DNT WORRY I´LL FIND ONE!!
EDWARTD:SEE THATS Y I LOVE U...
BELLA:AWEE!!I LOVE U 2!
EDWARD: I WAS RESPONDING MIKE´S THOUGHTS.....
BELLA:WTF
Edward: WHAT THE HEACK BELLA YOU SAW ME GOING AFTER THAT MOUTAIN LION AND YOU JUST RAN AFTER IT I WANTED IT!!!!!!

Bella: BEGONE BIPOLAR DEMON

Edward: OHH THAT IS IT I AM JUST GOING TO GET WITH ROSALIE SHE WAS MENT FOR ME ANYWAY!!! I WAS JOKING WHEN I SAID I PREFERED BRUNNETS! BLONDS ROCK

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