things that you would never read in Twilight, New Moon, and so on

If you have ever been on the Lexicon before it got hacked, you might remember that they had a forum called "things that would never be said in Twilight/New Moon. Now that they changed it, you can't add any new topics and they didn't bring it back, which made me really sad. all their stuff was so funny! so i'm started one over here. just post funny things that you would never read in any of the books!

here's mine:

Edward: Leggo my eggo Jasper!

******************************************

Bella; Edward, how did you get in here?

Edward: I Apparated.

******************************************

Alice: I did NOT see that coming.

Jasper: What?

Alice: That I would look so COOL in the movie!

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Omg i laughed so much at this:L

MizHafHaf said:
Right so things you would never read in the books right?? Here's an alternate version of the of New Moon.

Edward: "Bella I'm leaving you."

Bella: "What? Why? Oh no, you've found someone else haven't you? It's Jessica isn't it?! That b**** I'll get her!!"

Edward: "No Bella, it's not Jessica."

Bella: "Then WHO is it?!"

Edward: ".... Mike."

Bella: o_o

LOL Srry that just popped into my head so i really wanted to write it XD
hehe....i dont even know what to say about this one. Just random lol

Charlie Swan sat at his kitchen table, phone pressed against the side of his head. As he waited, he drummed his fingers. No answer. Instead, he heard the recorded message of his newly turned, vampire daughter.

"Hello. Sorry I am not able to answer at the- Wait Renesmee, don't touch that! Now, don't, you'll...Ok, you are cleaning up all that glass little missy! Don't give me that face! Anyways, I am not able to answer the phone so please leave a message and I'll-NOO!! NOT IN THE HOUSE!!! leave a message and I'll try to get back- JAKE! NOT ON THE CARPET! Eww that's just gross! Just because you are part wolf does NOT mean you can act like an animal. ANYWAYS. I will get back to you as soon as I can. No, wait, don't! What are you--AHH!"

The phone clicked off and Charlie sat, unable to move. Slowly he was able to think clear enough to leave his message. "Umm, Bells? You uh left your...pillow here after you, Edward, and Nessie stayed over. I'm not gonna ask why there are bite marks all over it and I probably don't want to know. Anyways...just called to uh let you know. Love ya, bye."

After he hung up the phone, he sluggishly walked over to the cabinet in the bathroom and pulled out the bottle of aspirin.
MizHafHaf said:
Right so things you would never read in the books right?? Here's an alternate version of the of New Moon.

Edward: "Bella I'm leaving you."

Bella: "What? Why? Oh no, you've found someone else haven't you? It's Jessica isn't it?! That b**** I'll get her!!"

Edward: "No Bella, it's not Jessica."

Bella: "Then WHO is it?!"

Edward: ".... Mike."

Bella: o_o

LOL Srry that just popped into my head so i really wanted to write it XD
_____this is the funniest thing i have ever heard!!!xixixixixi....congrs MizHafHaf!!!!_awsome!!!
Bella: Of three things I was absolutely sure. One: Edward was a vampire. Two: There was a part of him that thirsted for my blood. And three: he was gay. I mean, HE SPARKLES! And knows how to dress.He never dates any of the girls, he doesn't even seem INTERESTED!

Edward: Wait, what? I'm just really old fashioned and waiting for the right girl!

Emmett: Yeah, tell that to Eric.
These are all so funny
Bella: Up until now, I could handle it all. The sparkling, the drinking blood, the speed and agility. I even loved it; endeared me to Edward further. But this, THIS was too much! I knew I had to end it, now, before things got to far.

Edward: You don't like my Aro impression? But I have the cloak and everything!

Bella: Ugh!
Renesmee's birth scene......
So Bella'd been wrong. It wasn't a boy - kinda.
Edward: Umm, Bella
Bella: what is it, give me my baby
Edward: it isn't a girl, but it isn't a boy either.
Bella: what do you mean
Edward: I mean we have a Ednesmee!

Dayum you weird chromosomes!!!!!!!
LMAO! Ednesmee. Jacob imprinted on that shiz too haha. Though what would that make Jake? Bi? lol

Southern Cullen said:
Renesmee's birth scene......
So Bella'd been wrong. It wasn't a boy - kinda.
Edward: Umm, Bella
Bella: what is it, give me my baby
Edward: it isn't a girl, but it isn't a boy either.
Bella: what do you mean
Edward: I mean we have a Ednesmee!

Dayum you weird chromosomes!!!!!!!
ok this has gotta be the funniest 1
all cred to you lolz x

MARIA said:
MizHafHaf said:
Right so things you would never read in the books right?? Here's an alternate version of the of New Moon.

Edward: "Bella I'm leaving you."

Bella: "What? Why? Oh no, you've found someone else haven't you? It's Jessica isn't it?! That b**** I'll get her!!"

Edward: "No Bella, it's not Jessica."

Bella: "Then WHO is it?!"

Edward: ".... Mike."

Bella: o_o

LOL Srry that just popped into my head so i really wanted to write it XD
_____this is the funniest thing i have ever heard!!!xixixixixi....congrs MizHafHaf!!!!_awsome!!!
Now that that would be a syt in the movie haha lmao x

Missy~Cool Kids~ said:
Edward: Im a barbie girl, in a barbie world. *does a twirl* you can brush my hair and dress me anywhere! I feel so pretty, oh so pretty! i feel pretty and witty and GAY!!!! oh Bella don't you just love this skirt I'm wearing?

Bella: Oh My God!?!? what has happened to you Edward?? snap out of it! Jacob kissed me again today.

Edward: aww that's nice! he's so cute. and buff! *giggles*

Bella: aren't you going to get mad?? aren't you going to be all manly and beat him up??? growl a little? something?

Edward: eww no! that would mess up my nails!

Jasper: *snickers in the hallway with emmett* this is so much fun!
=O lmao

Missy~Cool Kids~ said:
haha that one was funny. it gave me an idea

Bella: sigh...Kristen Stewart is way too pretty to be playing me in the movie.

Alice: don't be so harsh on yourself. you're pretty! you're still the most beautiful person to Edward. she doesn't compare to you.

Edward: what are you talking about? Kristen is freakin HOT!!! i'd do her. In fact i already have.

Bella: Oh My God!!! Edward you heartless bloodsucker!!! GO DIE!!! *runs away sobbing*

Edward: come here, Renesmee! I want you to meet your new half sister!
haha now that woul be a great movie

Yvette said:
ok, here i go, but i must remind you i am not good at these things So please dont laugh at me =)

EDWARD AND BELLA ARE FLYING TROUGH THE AIR-

Edward- Bella, I love you, you r my night, and your eyes are my stars. U feel really light u must lost wait
turns his head
Edawrd- S*** i guess it is back to Italy again O-O

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