*~~~Rated M for mild nudity....Warning to younger readers!~~~*

*~~Tell me what you all think, please? :)~~*

 

Realisation.docx

 

~~~*Realisation*~~~

Tiptoeing to the cellar was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do...Bearing in mind that Charlie slept like the dead it didn’t stop from occurring to me that the night I would WANT to get away from him could possibly be the night he woke up and caught me...Causing me to lie on the spot which he knew I wasn’t any good at. It was the detective in him that always knew when I was upset or when I had chosen to lie....Damn chief!

I managed to get to the stairs...I looked down wondering whether I was actually ever going to be able to pull this off...Our stairs creaked like hell and they were more prominent at night...I had always been a restless sleeper so I always knew who was going down and who was coming up in our house.

My thoughts lingered on Jasper as I lifted my right leg out to step on the next stair holding onto the banister for dear life with both of my hands...Was it wrong to feel like an elderly lady at this precise moment? Having to descend the stairs so slowly that as I may as well have been going back up again. Jasper had been angry at me and I him...There was always a small part of me that knew Edward wasn’t an angel...He wouldn’t be the way he is if he were completely innocent and pure hearted. The bad boy charm and charisma he had what was what attracted me to him and made me look at him in a different way. Jasper couldn’t have been any different...Jasper was pure hearted and he loved completely as I have known for so long...He always fell for the wrong girls to start off with but when he met Alice and her feelings were mutual to his...He ran scared and I would result in being the one person to snap him out of it. Jasper was entitled to his own opinion about Edward and now I realised why I had never asked Jasper how he felt...Was it possible that I knew what he was going to think without even opening his mouth to say it? That’s best friends for you...You end up knowing so much about them that nothing ends up being a surprise anymore.

I avoided all the spots on the stairs where I knew there were creaks on contact but as I neared the bottom I cringed inside at possibly having to find new spots on this night when I needed to stay away from them as best I could.

 

Even though Jasper was a vampire he was still to me in a way human...The way he always was...When I looked into his eyes I didn’t see the golden animal-blood vampire eyes...I saw his old blue eyes...His marble skin might just as well be his usual olive tone...He hadn’t changed to me...The only thing that I had changed was the fact that he could now kill me with one touch if he wanted to...That was something I still found scary but I still trusted him...Not as completely as I used to but I wasn’t going to let one petty little argument over my boyfriend ruin what we have had together and our own history. Edward is my boyfriend but I have known Jasper a lot longer and they both mean the world to me and I don’t want to lose Jasper..Now that I had got him back.... Every opportunity is there for me to take, how can I keep being involved with Edward when there was so much love in my heart for Jasper more so than the love I had for Edward, anyway?

 

The butterflies had begun to soar in my stomach as I got closer and closer to the cellar...This was so wrong but it felt so right, my feet had already started to move towards Jasper before my brain could protest and of course, I at this moment in time was digging my own grave. Jasper could hurt me and in the back of my mind there is always that possibility but I trusted him more and so I believed that he wouldn’t. Was that too wrong to hope?

The dryness in my throat tightened my mouth as I reached my hand out and wrapped my hand around the doorknob to the cellar this is my last chance to turn around because there was no chance in hell that I will be able to walk away from Jasper by choice as soon as our eyes met – he pulled me in, took me in from every inch of my body and my heart like no one else had ever done, like Edward had never done. Edward was amazing in his own right, but Jasper and I had always had a much closer bond being friends before the real feelings came about. That was important.

Slowly as humanely possible, I climbed down the stairs, Jasper must have been able to hear me because of his enhanced hearing that only vampires possessed but for my father, it was necessary to keep quiet...There is a gun in the house and let’s just say that it can always come in handy if the chief finds something suspicious or gets disturbed by a unnatural noise.

I stood motionless as I reached the bottom of the stairs...I had closed the door not wanting Charlie to have any suspicion about why I was down here if he had heard me...I kept my arms firmly at the side as Jasper lay on our old moth-eaten sofa...He looked up at me for a moment and both of our eyes connected and had a conversation of their own...Human to Vampire. Jasper kept his gaze on mine as he twisted his body around and put his feet on the floor to stand up...I felt like kicking myself a little because I was down here with him in only my nightie of course I had on underwear but the cold air in my cellar was not doing my bare legs any good...Why didn’t I think this through?

Jasper stood a few paces away from me still staring into my eyes with so much intent...I shivered a little and the way he was looking at me caused my heart to sprint a marathon...I bit down on the inside of my mouth...He wasn’t saying anything and I couldn’t say anything back...I just tried to keep my breathing under control...I looked away from his piercing eyes..If he could look into my soul then he would have achieved that in the last few minutes...I could still feel his eyes on me as I looked to the floor...I sighed and released my teeth  on the inside of my mouth.

“I came down here....To-“ I trailed off...I ran one hand through my hair and bit down on my lip “I came to see if you needed anything” I finished feeling relieved that I was able to get at least one sentence out...Jasper took a few steps closer but kept his eyes on me.

“That’s not why you came down here was it, Bella?” he asked into my eyes...I felt my breathing start to pick up at the intensity of his voice.

“No” I breathed out...I was frozen to the spot...I connected my own eyes back with his. Jasper leant in to inch his face closer to mine and I closed my eyes...If I could move right now I would run for my life back to my room and close the door. Somehow I couldn’t...Whether I didn’t want to or not was another story.

As Jasper’s lips touched my closed eyelid I fought back a sigh clenching down on my teeth to stop the affect that he was having on me...Edward and I were not official publically as a couple but was it wrong to say that Jasper had a bigger affect on me than he did? Jasper moved to the other eye...I caught his sweet breath on my face as he pulled away from my skin...It was intoxicating like he was pulling me towards him without having to touch me...His scent was delicious and I found myself wanting to have more...This was so very wrong and in that moment I had forgotten why I had actually gone down to see him in the first place.

“Jasper...We need to talk” I attempted to say this in a stern voice but it just came out of my mouth like jelly.

“About what?” Jasper replied as he moved his head to the start of mine and started kissing up the left side of my face I nearly melted on the spot...I would always have feelings for him and it was more obvious now than it had ever been when I had my first date with Edward...I thought I would be able to fully get over Jasper but as it turned out...It was no longer possible to believe that there could be anyone else for me but Jasper...Human or not.

“Earlier” I breathed out...I shouted inwardly at my display of persuasion...Jasper was playing me like a harp and he knew he was too.

“Has Edward been intimate with you Bella?” Jasper whispered as he moved to my jaw line...Kissing along my trembling chin and back up to my left ear again.

“What?” I asked...My voice was barely recognisable now even to me.

“Has Edward ever said how much he desires you?” Jasper trailed down from my ear to the left side of my neck...I shivered at the coldness of both his lips and his cheeks making contact with my own warm skin...I could feel my knees about to buckle but I tried desperately to stand still clenching every muscle in my body to do this.

“Jasper...Please don’t ask me that” I said clenching every part of my body...Jasper carried on his kissing trail to my collarbone.

“Your resisting me, Bella” Jasper whispered the air from his mouth hitting the pores of my collarbone...I shivered again. Jasper disconnected his mouth from my skin and brought his head up to face me...His stunning golden eyes entranced into mine bringing them into new worlds.

“Don’t resist me, Bella” he whispered kissing my nose...I let out a little sigh as the threatening tears filled my eyes...I couldn’t do this...I just couldn’t.

“Jasper...Please...Stop” I said a tear rolling down my cheek...He noticed it and brushed it away with his fingertip.

“Bell...Don’t cry my darling...I cannot bear to have you crying anymore.” His hand touched my cheek and he used his thumbs to caress it as a sign of comfort...I bit down on my lip hard.

“This is wrong, Jazz” I sad releasing more tears.

“Is it...Is all this so wrong, Bell?” he asked me...I nodded under his hand. “You’re body is telling me differently.” He finished and I rolled my eyes...Why was this so hard? Why couldn’t I just pluck up the strength and walk away.

“Bell...Has Edward ever said that he wanted to make love to you?” Jasper whispered.

“That’s none of your business” I replied.

“Has he ever said how beautiful you are both inside and out?”

“Jasper-“

“Does Edward love you from the depths of his soul, Bella?”

“Please?”

Jasper grasped the sides of my face in both his hands and stared at me intently...I shivered under his glare. “I want you, Bella” Jasper said and my body crumbled...Butterflies soaring around my stomach...Jasper forced his lips down on mine and broke both the upper and lower part to let in his tongue...I kept my tongue in my mouth just allowing his scent and taste to take me over..I tilted my head to the side and let him lead the kiss...His tongue caressed mine and trailed through all the areas of my mouth...I did not respond or move my lips...I kept still. “I have fallen for you so badly, Bella” he whispered against my mouth as he trailed his tongue along my bottom lip and then across my upper one....I sighed again as he did so.

I kept my eyes closed...Jasper covered my mouth with his again as his hands grasped the hem of my nightie...I couldn’t bring myself to stop him with my own hands..He was intoxicating me and halting all my senses and any plans I may have had in my mind had now well and truly disappeared. I heard a ripping noise as the nightie escaped my body completely the cold air from my cellar hit my torso..I gasped against Jasper’s mouth as he brought one of his hands around the back of my neck and disconnected our mouths..I tilted my head up but kept my eyes closed.

“Bella...Look at me” he demanded...His voice low...I swallowed hard and fluttered my eyes open my breathing now well and truly taking me over and filling up the silence in the cellar. “I am sorry for not realising how you felt about me...I am sorry for leaving you...I am sorry for not loving you back when I was alive.” Jasper trailed his nose around the entire area of my face. “I can’t stand to see you with him, Bella...He will never love you like I do...You have to believe me..I would do anything for you sweetheart..I know you still love me, Bella.”

I shook my head “No” I stated my voice shaky.

“I don’t believe you” Jasper moved his head down to my neck as his hands suddenly grazed one of my breasts which was covered by my bra...I threw my head back...I have waited so long for him to do these things and to say these words but why did it have to be now?

“Jazz...Stop” I breathed out.

“Never...I will never stop showing you how I feel.” His hand went to the centre of my breasts as he snapped open the clasp of my bra...The cups flew against my arms but he was quick to pull them away from my chest completely in one swift move...I was now half bare underneath him...I squirmed as his hands went to my exposed breasts kneading and massaging them each in turn as he continued to kiss the base of my neck and my collarbone.

“God” I breathed out both in aggravation and desire...I felt Jasper smile against my chest.

“That’s it, Bella...Just feel” he whispered crouching onto his knees and moving his lips to my stomach...Damn muscles quivered underneath his mouth...There was no point in trying to fight this anymore..I did need him and want him SO much...I was so scared that he would hurt me...Him being a vampire and all. I had dreamt for him to do this to me but my dream did NOT include making love to the guy I had been in love with for years under a huge inner secret that the temptation to break and announce to the world had at most times been unbearable.

Jasper’s cool lips kissed along the waistband of my underwear and it was then that my knees gave way but...Before I prepared myself for the floor to break my fall, I was being lifted up instead into Jasper’s arms as he took me in a bridal-style carry to the sofa and placed me onto his lap my back to him. Closing my eyes, I concentrated on his magical fingers trailing the contours of my spine and his mouth replacing his once feather-like fingertips moulding to my skin, radiating love and passion through the softness of his lips. Gasping uncontrollably, his mouth and touch on my back setting my soul on fire – desire seeping through me so fast it was making me dizzy as Jasper continued to show me attention in the most torturous but beautiful way possible.

“I can’t stay away any more, Jazz” I breathed out “the pretence is too much...Is that what you wanted to hear?” I added my voice deep with emotion.

“I wanted you to admit it to yourself...I adore you Bella” before I could answer...He lifted me up by my hips and turned me so that we were now face to face...His hands running around my face. “Please tell me that you feel the same way?”

“I do...I have always loved you...No one can ever make me feel the way you do...Love me, Jazz...Take me and make me yours, please?”

“You have been mine from the beginning, Bella...Let me worship you” I nodded and he laid me down gently on the sofa hovering over me....I hitched on my breath the realisation of what we were about to do came into my mind.

 

Making love to Jasper Hale has been in my dreams for years on end and now, much to my delight and a mix of fear...It was coming true.

Jasper was my soul mate, my protector, the only love of my life and the reason I live and breathe in the harsh reality of the world that we live in...How could I have denied those feelings and desires for so long? How could I ever believe that Edward was the love of my life when he will never be Jasper Hale?

 

I had Jasper now, we were together and that is all that matters....I’ll think about everything else tomorrow.

 

 

 

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Replies to This Discussion

Samantha, you're fic was great. I love the passion you describe between Bella and Jasper. It's something totally unique and fresh. However, the writing itself seems a little unedited. Perhaps checking through it would benefit you well.

PS. I'd be interested in any more pieces of writing if you've got any. Sorry I've taken so long to comment on this. I've been away from twifans for a while.

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