Family members participating:
Betty: 70, my grandfather’s second wife, loves puffy-paint sweatshirts, has vaguely heard of “Twilight”
Kelly: 26, my sister-in-law, teaches preschool, a bigger Twi-Hard than me
Jason: 22, my cousin, loves Jagermeister, hates “Twilight”
George: late-50s, my aunt’s ex-husband/cousins’ father, drives Corvette, minimal “Twilight” knowledge
Jane: mid-40s, George’s “friend,” drinks vodka, thinks she “may have seen one of those movies”
Opening: A pre-bitten Riley (Xavier Samuel) walks into the night.
Betty: “Is that the guy the girls like?”
Jason: “No, that guy isn’t gay enough.”
George laughs hard.
Kelly (to Betty): “You’re thinking of Robert Pattinson. That’s not him.”
Betty: “I don’t think that’s who I’m talking about. This boy is nice looking. (pause) He must be who I’m talking about.”
Minutes later, Riley is bitten and begins screaming.
Jane: (through vodka haze) “He’s is not that good looking.”
Betty: “No, he must be the hero guy because that’s the way movies do it. They make the hero lose and then win.”
Jason: “He’s screaming because he’s in a bad movie.”
Kelly: (frustrated) “That’s the bad guy.”
Betty: “Don’t give the plot away.”
Kelly: “Sorry. I thought you were confused.”
Jane: “I think Brad Pitt was a sexier vampire.”
Nearly at half-hour mark, Jacob and Edward puff chests over Bella’s protection.
George: “They should have cast a girl who isn’t so sad and mopey.”
Jason: “I think Bella is hot.”
George: (as he pats Jane, who has given into the vodka haze) “This is hot.”
At the 90-minute mark, the wolf pack and Cullens prepare to battle newborns.
George: “Why are they fighting over [Bella]?”
Kelly: “Because Edward and Jacob are in love with her and want to protect her from Victoria’s revenge.”
Betty: “I like movies when you can tell who the bad guy is.”
Kelly: “Well, Victoria and Riley are the bad guys.”
Betty: “No, I don’t think so. What about the wolves?”
100 minutes in: Battle scene.
Jason: “These newborn vampires don’t even seem tough at all.”
George: “Weak, right? We should watch ‘Braveheart.’”
Betty: “That is just ridiculous. A ridiculous movie.”
Kelly: “I think it’s a great love story.”
Betty: “Kids don’t get married without sleeping together.”
We all look at her.
Betty: “What? Don’t look at me like I don’t know. I know.”