A List Of Things Emmett Should NEVER Do!

Sighing Bella handed the list to Jasper, who began to read, his eyes widening as he got further and further down. Edward entered the room now, frowning at the group around the table, he had Emmett with him. “Jasper, I think you should read it out,” Alice sighed, settling back on the couch as Jasper began to read...

“Emmett Cullen must not...

Mix Alice’s make-up and plaster is on the wall, claiming that it’s a new colour.

Sing “I’m too sexy for my shorts in front of Bella, while only wearing a pair of shorts.

Run around Wall-mart shouting “THERE’S A MONSTER COMING TO EAT US!”

And then point at Esme.

Pick teddies up in Wall-Mart and shove them in children’s faces to scare them.

Just don’t enter Wall-Mart full stop!

Isn’t allowed to sing “God made coke, God made Pepsi, God made you so God-damn sexy,” to Esme when Carlisle is around.

...Or sing it about himself.

Prance around the Mall naked, with only a teddy bear covering everything.

Tease Edward about his sex life (or lack of it).

Pain Edward’s Volvo bright yellow and then write “Bite me b****!” On the side in pink.

Nick one shoe of every pair of Alice’s. (I will kill you next time!)

Take Jasper’s war uniform and then parade around in it.

And then stick flowers all over it!

Stick a sign on Bella saying “Eat me,” when Edward is around.

Think about Edward and Bella’s sex life when Edward is in ‘hearing’ distance.

Give Bella a hiccy!

Swim in a tutu while singing ‘Barbie girl’ in the Mall fountain.

Dye Carlisle’s hair, while pretending to be washing it.

Stand on top of any bus/tram...

...Sing and dance to the Macarena with no trousers on...

...Sing and dance to the Macarena with no trousers on, while on top of a bus/tram.

Tell Alice that Bella burnt all her clothes.

Steal Alice’s credit cards...

...And then cut them up.

Walk past Alice shouting “BARBIE DOLL!”

...Or “Pixie!”

Tell Alice and Rosalie that pink and white is out of fashion.

Think about Carlisle and Esme’s sex life when Edward is around.

Wear Speedos, a snorkel and flippers to school.

Use the excuse “The Voices told me to.” It’s just not good enough.

Dazzle teachers when he forgets his homework.

Tell Rosalie that her fashion sense “Soooooo needs updating!”

Tell Alice her bum looks big, even if it does.

Juggle with knives around Bella.

Dare Bella to a wrestling match.

Tell Carlisle he has a disease that stops him doing all homework.

Tell everyone at school he loves Tinkerbell...

..And then go in the next day dressed as her.

Tell the school that Jasper and Edward are secretly gay together and that dating Alice and Bella is just a cover-up.

Announce that the CIA and FBI are stalking him.

Tell everyone he is adopting a bear and bringing it home.

Attempt to bite Alice’s gerbil in an attempt to turn it into a vampire.

Tell Rosalie it’s over between them, with a straight face.

Scream at Bella “You were my one true love, you just ruined that,” whenever she looks at him.

Enter American reality shows, at all!

Tell Jasper that Alice is pregnant...

...And that he’s the father and not Jasper...

...And then offer to make Jasper godfather.”

“Emmett, seriously, that is one long list...” Edward commented, reading it again. “Wait, you did what to Bella?!” He growled, crouching a little. Emmett just shook it off, shaking his head a little. He snatched the list from Jasper and read down it again.

“Bye bye list,” He commented, scrunching it up and stuffing it in his mouth, chewing hard. Alice, Bella and Rosalie groaned, shaking their heads.

“Number 50, MUST NOT EAT THE LIST!” The three of them shouted at him, making him jump.

Author KrazyTigger

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