Alrighty peeps, I may be a new mama of a baby human these days, but I still found me some time to hit the midnight showing of Breaking Dawn last night and get my swoon on. I’m just like everyone else – I’ve been waiting a year and a half since Eclipse to see some Edward and Bella sex and also to analyze Edward’s baby mekin’ skillz. So hey, baby or no baby for me, I’m not waiting a minute longer than I have to! And dear friends; Breaking Dawn is totes amaze, obvy. How could it not be? Edward and Bella finally marry. They have S-E-X and more S-E-X – >Edward breaks a headboard, COME ON. And lastly, Bells is preggo. What’s not to love?
Well, besides Edward’s hair. [Read: "Why is Edward's hair ALL WRONG in Breaking Dawn?]
Can we just harp on this subject a little more and further beat an already dead horse? WHO THE F*CK RUNS THE HAIR AND MAKEUP DEPARTMENT FOR THE TWILIGHT FILMS? They should be fired, never to work in Hollywood again. The saga’s slogan should be: “Twilight, making good looking people ugly since 2008.” It’s one thing to put Carlisle in a progressively uglier wig in each film, or put a skull cap made of hair on Alice’s head and pretend she’s still cute as a button – but you cannot, I repeat – YOU CANNOT MESS WITH EDWARD’S HAIR. Ever. But they did. His hair is short, flat, and dark. WTF WTF WTF! It’s supposed to be a chaotic mess of copper colored hair. It just wasn’t sexy, people. In fact, it almost killed my Team Edward status. His hair is that important to me.
But you know who looked hot as hell? Jacob. Somehow, with Edward’s flat hair, waaaaay too pale skin, and lack of a muscular body, Jacob looked dark, manly, and all growns up. I found myself swooning all over Jacob and his new chin pubes. It actually pissed me off. In a movie all about Edward and Bella FINALLY coming together – I’m freaking dying over Jacob? WHAT!
On to the actual movie…
Breaking Dawn is actually funny – and on purpose! In fact, it was full of laughs throughout the wedding and honeymoon. It all just seemed so much more grown up this time around. No more high school angst and brooding virginity. Kristin Stewart FINALLY comes into her own as Bella, and it’s the best she’s ever been playing this character. Edward smiles more, *fans self*, and comes across more confident and like a real husband. *swoon* I loved when he started seeing the baby in Bella’s tum tum as their baby versus something killing her that he wanted to get rid of. And it totes melted my heart when he held and kissed Bella’s pregnant belly in a sweet little moment towards the end of the film. Jacob, as I mentioned, just seemed so much manlier then he ever has and I loved when he stood his ground to werewolf Sam and takes back his stance as the wolf pack’s alpha. Go Jacob! I know in the book that after the honeymoon the perspective switches to Jacob’s for like 150 pages, and the movie is no different. I felt like the movie had Jacob just as much as E&B. Some people might be like; “Jeez Jacob, get over Bella already!” But I didn’t see his constant presence as him pining away for his lost love; I saw it as him protecting his best friend who he loves.
The birth scene was intense, with Edward having to bite open Bella’s belly to pull the little vamp/human hybrid out. For a moment, I was all “awwwww” when Edward was holding the baby – and I wanted to tackle Rosalie when she offered to take the baby. I’m all; Edward, look out! BABY SNATCHER! BABY SNATCHER!! But it really got me when Belly died on the table, all gaunt thanks to the amazing ability of CGI editing. For those that haven’t seen the movie, I don’t want to give away all the cool things they did to make this scene even more emotional, but it’s definitely a powerful transformation into a vampire that Bella has. And that final scene was the coolest E-V-E-R and how I always imagined it from reading the book. Needles to say I cannot wait for Breaking Dawn part 2. Too bad we have ANOTHER FREAKING YEAR! Ahhh!!
I feel like the movie went by so fast, like no more than 30 minutes. So obvy I have to see it again to catch anything I missed. It was like when I was reading the book; I was so excited that I read the book too fast just to see what happens, so I didn’t really let some things sink in. I gotta go back and really enjoy that honeymoon again. I don’t know if I fully got to appreciate Edward breaking that headboard. Plus, I saw the movie with Bulletsucker and we were so busy adding our own hilarious side commentary throughout the movie that we probably missed a lot of dialogue due to our laughter drowning out the sound! I had all these other things I wanted to write about, like how our theater was full of old lesbians and no one was OOOHING and AAHHHING over Edward or Jacob like they were supposed to be, but this blog post is getting too long to get into all that. Let’s just say that next time Bulletsucker and I decided we aren’t going to a midnight showing unless it’s full of screaming teenagers. They take the crazy to a whole other level and that’s really the only way to see a Twilight movie.
All in all, Breaking Dawn gets two thumbs up from me, but could I ever not love one of these films? ‘Course not.
Have you seen Breaking Dawn? If so, tell me what you thought in the comments section!
For fun, check out my New Moon and Eclipse movie reviews: