All fan hype aside, New Moon was bad. Real bad. Will that fact be taken into consideration at all while they make the next films of the franchise? Will they aim to improve?
—Pique Santos

Of course not.

When you make millions of dollars in the first eight seconds of a sequel's release, you don't change a thing. You keep the heroine as much of a doormat as she's always been and the hero as immortal and upset about that fact as ever. Eclipse has already wrapped of course, but Breaking Dawn has yet to start shooting, and there is always room for improvement, even in a fiction series that seems utterly perfect to any girl under 16.

Here are my suggested improvements for the movie (or two, or three, or however many they make), humbly submitted hereto for Team Breaking Dawn.

And yes, sorry, THERE ARE SPOILERS, for those who have not purchased Breaking Dawn and lovingly stroked it to death...

Lose the werewolf-on-baby love story.
In the book, Jacob falls in love with a baby soon after it pops out of mother Bella. Jacob apparently doesn't want to romance the baby right there, but it's his soul mate, all right. For some vague reason I cannot quite put to words, the movie should probably lose that bit. You are welcome, Taylor Lautner.

Two words: Stunt casting.
Cast Angelina and Brad as the elegant European nomad vampires. You know it makes sense.

And while we're at it...
Why not try Megan Fox as the accuser Irina? She does, after all, have to get dismembered by a pack of angry vampires. If not, hey, this is a chick franchise, what about you, SJP?

Hire another director.
The best movies know when to stray from book source material and when to stick to it. New Moon director Chris Weitz got much praise from fans for sticking to the book, but that doesn't mean he made a good movie. In fact it means he made a pretty mediocre movie. I'm sure Peter Jackson (heck, or even Tim Burton or Kathryn Bigelow) would know exactly what to do with that part in Breaking Dawn where Edward and Bella have sex so crazy that she passes out. And when in doubt, add a hobbit.

Rethink the genre.
Michael Sheen steals the screen whenever he's on it as Volturi vampire Aro. Make the honeymoon and pregnancy part of Breaking Dawn really short, and the Volturi trial part of the story really, really long. Make it a courtroom drama if you have to; bring in a resurrected vampire Matlock if you must, but do it.

An all-Dakota Fanning cast.
Forget that vampire who can grab someone's skull and kill with the touch of his hands; everybody can kill with their hands. Put in another little girl vampire who can make you feel pain with her eyes. You can never have too many Janes. Given how interesting Dakota Fanning was in the three seconds she was in New Moon, heck, all the Volturi vampires should be Dakota Fannings.

Views: 27

Comment by Carlisle's Beloved on December 5, 2009 at 3:41pm
The suggestions put forth in your blog were absolutely hilarious. I fully agree that Michael Sheen was electrifying. I don't suppose there is any way to get KStew replaced or at least get a director to actually give her some direction that does not make a fool of her or the character. Sigh. Don't everyone get mad at me at once. Nice post Luna.
Comment by Creampuff on December 5, 2009 at 4:36pm
So you want to see another vampire movie altogether, my suggestion to you is to watch 30 days of night or something like it. All the fans that read the books are happy to have a director that sticks as closely to the book as possible. I loved Chris Weitz I think he did a wonderful job. Dakota Fanning was very good but she has a tiny part in the series so there is no need to expand her role, twilight is first and foremost a love story, so if you don't like love stories then you are watching the wrong movie.
Comment by Evie Bella on December 5, 2009 at 4:43pm
They better not shorten the honeymoon scenes and the pregnancy scenes, for more volturri......I will riot!!!!!!!
Comment by Dee Dawn on December 5, 2009 at 10:49pm
Luna if you hate the movies so bad don't go to them. Also go find some other blog to visit since you definitely are not a twight fan. Whether or not Chris directs or not, the director will follow the book because Stephanie has the last word on the filming. Why would Summit want to change anything, with the Twilight Saga having been the highest grossed earning movies ever. It is a love story with action not a horror/thriller story. As for being someone enjoying the movies, I am 52 and love the books, movies, and music along with my 3 year old grandson.
Comment by Vada on December 5, 2009 at 10:52pm
new moon was amazing. chris weitz did a really good job. i really dont want tim burton to direct breaking dawn. thats all im gonna say cuz i have wayyyyyyyyyyy to many other things to say (most of them not very nice)
Comment by ♥TwilightSagaObsessed♥RobsGirl♥ on December 5, 2009 at 10:56pm
Comment by Chauntel Machin on December 5, 2009 at 11:24pm
these are stupid suggestions. is this supposed to be funny? is this a joke? cuz its not funny and all these suggestions will make the movie horrible and unbearable to watch.
Comment by VALERIE PERREAULT on December 5, 2009 at 11:53pm
I don't think so....sorry
Comment by Ashley A Kraus on December 6, 2009 at 1:13am
OK so-It is GOOD to stick to the BOOK
it would be good to have KStew directed instead of thrown in with the philosophy that she can actually act w/out direction
it would be nice if all the f****** music on the soundtrack wasn't f***** gay
the renesesme part is important-DO NOT CUT
Dakota and Michael were really very good
Twilight was so much better than New Moon

and bring on TIM BURTON. yum, yum, yum. you'd think for one of the greatest love stories of all time we'd have one of the greatest directors of all time directing it.

and, fan hype aside, new moon was HORRIBLE! the previews/trailers of it were the best part
Comment by Ashley A Kraus on December 6, 2009 at 1:14am
let me remind you-the movie grossed so much money because the BOOKS grossed that same amount of FANS long before the movies were thought of


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