(This is just a banner I did with the particular line of the song that inspired the story).
Reference: New Moon pg. 39-41, Breaking Dawn pg. 375-386
Twilight fanfic inspired by Bring Me to Life by Evanescence
For almost ninety years I’ve walked among my kind, and yours… all the time thinking
I was complete in myself, not realizing what I was seeking. And not finding
anything, because you weren’t alive yet.
Twilight, Chapter 14, p.304
Life’s end didn’t feel so bad when it was fated to come. It’s taken many already in its embrace,
only the pure part, the soul leaving lifeless bodies behind so that those who
still lived were reminded of what they had lost. I could almost see it
searching, always searching for its next victim, and wondered when it would be
my turn. I felt alone, I pretty much was alone. My father had already been a
victim, and I seemed to be in line before my mother. Despite the pale faced
doctor’s plea she weakened herself trying desperately to nurse me back to
health ignoring that she suffered the same as me. Sometimes she even came to my
bedside just to stroke my hair, and my cheeks pleading for me to hold on, to
stay out of death’s reach.
I’ve heard that people have seen their lives flash before their eyes in times of near death,
but the life I had dreamed of and now could never have was what flashed before
mine. I saw myself in uniform, armed and on the attack ready to defend my
country. I had dreamed so often of having that honor, to be a hero. Frightening
as it was, the glory is what made it all worthwhile to any man. Or maybe they
feared being a coward more than death it was hard to tell. My poor mother
always dreaded the thought, and always prayed every night before dinner for
this horrid war to end. She got her wish as she lay dying beside me; I had
never been out there. I saw something else I would never get to do, find love. I
couldn’t see myself with anyone. I had never really thought about it before in
health, it wasn’t something I desired at this time in my life. But now that I
never would my life all of a sudden seemed so short, empty, like I had not
accomplished anything but wasting a body and breath. I saw myself, my face
paled and wrinkled. I wore glasses and walked slowly and with struggle; a cane
was in one hand for support. The bronze had faded from my hair into a
silver-gray like the moon in the night sky. Maybe I would have a beard to
match. I sat alone on a porch swing, reading a book.
There were so many people around my mother and I; also waiting in line for death to take them. I
wondered what they all thought about as they traveled down the one way dead end
road, did they fear leaving this earth or did they see it as a blessing, a way
out? I occupied myself by looking at their expressions and guessing their
thoughts. The first to catch my attention was an older gentleman; most being
struck by the influenza were young, I was seventeen, and middle aged around the
forties was the oldest. So he seemed to have been dealt a bad hand. His hair
was as white as snow, and he had light brown eyes. He sighed a lot through his
I knew it was my time, but I never imagined going like this. I imagined hearing his mind say. There was a
long black haired woman asleep, her hands lay across her chest and her mouth
hung slightly open.
Soon I’ll be free. Free from this world full of pain and anger, and sin, were the thoughts that
accompanied her face as she dreamed. Another, middle aged woman possibly the
same as my mother looked pale and almost lifeless, but from her wandering sad
eyes I was almost certain that she did not think of herself at all, but rather
worried that her son would not return home from the war.
Please God, not him, please keep him safe, he must live. I could hear what her thoughts must be so vividly.
I could feel death watching me, coming closer and closer to me as I grew very hot and my breathing
labored. Day by day my body had shut down more and more. I knew he was there, I
saw the pale face blurred as he came to my bedside and watched me. I couldn’t
make out his features, I was slipping into unconsciousness. My mother took a
turn for the worst and the kind pale faced Dr. Cullen had taken a fondness to
her. He was like a friend, and had cared for both of us well, but this epidemic
was beyond his power. He seemed to know that all he could do now was watch us
both die. I could just barely imagine the defeat in his thoughts; not in words
as my mind was shutting down but rather in an empathic way.
I felt like I was drowning. I could taste salt water coming up in my throat, and filling my
lungs. I could hardly breathe. I kicked and threw my arms around but I couldn’t
pull my body up to the surface of the water. I could still, barely see the
blurred silhouette of Dr. Cullen. It was impossible to know whether I was
dreaming, or delirious. I was probably slipping into a coma considering. The
fever was raging; I was very hot although I felt like I should have been
freezing. I couldn’t make out his words if he was saying anything, the world
was mostly silent but faint distinct sounds wafting through the air around me,
voices? I was too far out of reality to tell, or care. The salt stung my eyes
with every blink until I had to close them. I felt numb, like I could no longer
move, and began to fall slowly farther and farther down. There was nothing but
darkness, and I felt like I didn’t exist anymore, I had no body or being. I
couldn’t feel anything. I was afraid, not of death as much as that there was
something missing. There was this empty space inside me, and I would never find
what belonged there. That was what scared me. I don’t think anyone afraid of
dying was truly afraid of death itself, but rather time, to run out of it
before you are ready. That is why the elderly are usually never afraid; it’s
easy for them to know that their time is short anyway.
All of a sudden I could feel a pull upward. It was nothing I was doing, I felt no different than
I had a few seconds ago. I was confused and considering that I was dying, I was
not sure whether this was a good thing or a bad thing. But was death really a
bad thing? The thing I had saw always searching for its next victim as I lie in
my own death bed didn’t look like a monster. All of its victims here were
suffering as the disease drowned the city, but did death really choose how it
took us? Death doesn’t cause disease, disease causes death. I felt almost
peaceful, I didn’t have any idea how this was happening, but I could almost
feel someone or something carrying me up. I couldn’t help having just a spark
of hope as I ascended higher and higher, closer to the surface. Whatever was
carrying me, it made me anxious but unafraid. I tried to open my eyes; I wanted
to see what was happening, what was carrying me up. But my eyes would not open;
I couldn’t find the light in all the darkness. But I did all of a sudden hear
Save him! I was sure it had been my mother’s gentle, caring, and now very horse voice. It was only
an echoed whisper in my dark prison, but it was unmistakable. My body then
broke the surface of the water. I was sure because I felt lighter, and finally
I could see light against my eyelids. I didn’t know where I was or where the
light came from but it didn’t matter. I definitely knew now that someone was
carrying me, I could feel a warm gentle embrace cradling my limp body, and
there was a heartbeat against my temple. I could hear the gentle sound of waves
crashing and the slow even breathing of my savior. I was becoming aware and I
knew that I was not back at the hospital. I felt too peaceful and light to be
recovering, and in this time and during this epidemic, no one was recovering.
My savior gently laid me down, and I could feel a hand stroke my forehead and slide down my
cheek. The head fell against my chest for few seconds, the hair was long I felt
it drop against my body like a curtain. Then I felt a pushing against my chest,
both the hands pumping against my windpipe trying to help me breathe. The
feeling of the fluid in my lungs began to subside.
“Edward?” I heard, but I didn’t know the voice. It was almost a whisper, soft and beautiful. She then
brought her lips down, I could feel her breath on my skin, and her hair fall
against my neck, and pressed them against mine. Her lips felt soft and warm,
and wonderful. She exhaled into me, and my lungs felt clear and strong.
“Edward?” She called again and finally I could open my eyes. She was staring down at me with
the most beautiful chocolate-brown eyes I’d ever seen. Her hair was long and
dark, a huge contrast to her very light skin except for where red slightly
shaded her cheeks. She sat beside me in a powder blue dress, and tenderly
placed a hand on my cheek and smiled at me. I smiled back at her; she was so beautiful
like nothing I’d ever seen before. I wondered what she was thinking, but her
face didn’t tell me much except that she seemed glad to see me. Her smile made
her whole face glow brighter than the moon, and being near her I felt alive. I
sat up, and ran the back of my fingers gently along her cheek bone. She closed
her eyes and sighed, letting her head tilt bashfully as her cheeks became
“Are you an angel?” I spoke to her for the first time. She leaned over and rested her head on my shoulder.
“If you stay, I don’t need heaven.” She replied, and I wrapped my arms tightly around her and
held her close to me. I ran my hands through her long hair, and down her back.
Every part of her felt so good and I never wanted to let her go. I wanted to
know what she was thinking, what she was feeling. After a few minutes she
lifted her head from my shoulder and looked into my eyes. Those Chocolate brown
eyes were full of wonder, and startlingly full of fear and worry. She looked
like she wanted to cry.
“What is it? What’s wrong?” I asked gently. I didn’t like seeing her like this; I wanted to make whatever it was go away. She
leaned in and pressed her lips against mine. Then laced her hands in my hair
and laid me slowly back down on the ground. I weaved one hand through her hair
and pressed her close against me with the other as I kissed her passionately.
You must! You must do everything in your power. What the others can not do. That is what you must do for my Edward.
I could hear her breathing increase as I moved from her lips to her red cheeks,
down her neck, my hand toying with the strap of her powder blue dress. Touching
her I felt like I could live forever. She raised her head, breaking my
concentration, and stared down at me into my eyes. But this time those eyes
were glowing with hope, and love. I took her face gently in my hands, and she smiled
wide and beautiful. Her heart crashed against my chest, and she breathed
unevenly, anxiously. Then she was kissing me again, crushing her lips against
my temple, my cheek bone, and working her way down as she massaged her hands
through my hair like she was holding on to me for dear life.
I’m sorry. Everything will be alright. I promise. A male whisper all of a sudden wafted right next to my
ear. I believed it, I couldn’t help it; I was under her spell so I had to
believe the whisper.
“Can I keep you?” I asked in a whisper as her lips reached mine and I crushed my lips with hers
in response. I never wanted to lose her. Suddenly I felt like I was swimming in
a cold sweat, and my breathing became hard. The passion had stopped; she was
hovering over me, staring down at me again.
She stroked my cheek and I screamed out at the top of my lungs. Something sharp had suddenly
dug into my neck, and the sky above me begun to turn dark. There was a fierce
heat growing in my body, it begun bearable, but became hotter and more
agonizing as my heart pumped it rapidly through my veins. The skies became
darker still, not just night and day darker, or stormy cloud darker, but
everything around me was being covered in blackness. My chocolate-brown eyed
girl kept watching me as it took her. Blackness swirled around her beautiful
face above me and her image was disappearing.
“NO!” I shouted sending my arm out despite it becoming numb and limp, to reach for her. I
couldn’t lose her. She didn’t fight it though; she just kept looking down at me
sympathetically as she became more and more blurry and faded.
I couldn’t begin to think of anything else in the world that could put a human being through so
much agonizing pain and suffering. I was horrendously on fire, I felt like my
heart was going to push itself through my ribs and out of my chest, and I
wanted desperately to save it the trouble, to just rip it out. I was alone now,
and all of a sudden I was scared not of dying, but of living. I reached out
metaphorically because I couldn’t feel my body to move my arms to the blackness,
summoning it closer and closer like a helpless infant wordlessly summoning for
it’s mother’s arms and her comfort. I wanted it to take me where ever it had
taken my chocolate-brown eyed girl. The way she made me feel, I could
understand why life was worth it, and why people were so afraid when theirs was
over. Nothing else mattered to me anymore but being near that girl, touching
her, holding her in my arms, and protecting her. It was so quick, I was buried
in the blackness in the blink of an eye, and I knew that she was gone forever.
There was nothing but…nothing. I felt like I was in a state of non-existence,
except the fiery pain was still there. The fire was nothing compared to the
agony that I felt from losing her. If I couldn’t see her again I wanted to die,
I wanted to kill myself rather than live another second in this agony. The
illness that took so many in Chicago
was peaceful and comforting compared to this. Usually from what I saw patients
just slipped into unconsciousness and never came out. Even the brave men who
were being killed defending our country in the war, getting their organs blown
out couldn’t be suffering this much. Why was I the only one feeling this
endless pain, why did it choose me and no one else?
Once you are dead you don’t really need time. I had not had any sense of time for a while. I had
no idea how many hours, days, weeks, or years had passed me by, but everything
started to change, something strange was happening. Actually a lot of strange
things were happening all at once. First of all I became aware of time again,
which was how I knew I was not dead. Then not only did I begin to feel my body
again, so I could move my limbs but I could feel my body becoming stronger. The
fire was still there and had not shrunk at all, but somehow I found my thoughts
becoming clearer so I was able to concentrate away from it. I could hear my low
even breathes vividly. None of this made any sense, then again what about this
experience did? My mind began to explore something as it got clearer and more
alert; maybe I was being reincarnated. It made some sense especially when
considering the dramatic change in my condition, I was dying and now I was
getting stronger possibly because I was settling into a new life. It would
explain the blackness, and why I had felt so helpless. But then the fire, and
more importantly the fact that I was still feeling it and it was just as
painful even while I was getting stronger didn’t fit with the idea.
It seemed like an ironic thought when all of a sudden my heart took off at an inhuman speed, to
the point where it vibrated against my ribs causing the fire to grip and
constrict my chest. Every breath was hard and painful, I could feel my chest
heaving and my heart felt like a bomb that was going to explode at any moment.
I had that agonizing feeling again of wanting to rip my heart from my chest and
just die as quickly as possible. Obviously anyone who knows what death feels
like can’t tell the tale, but I never imagined that feeling stronger was a part
of dying. But I knew for sure that these were my last moments of life, they had
to be no heart can survive at this rate it was like a speed that didn’t exist
yet, like the speed of thunder and lightning that came before you could even
give it a thought. The lightning had struck, and I waited now for the thunder.
I could almost hear the booming crash my heart would make when it exploded, and
how I would not even have a chance to think before it happened to give the
world and life a last thought and wonder where I would go. I couldn’t help
being so creative and comparative when considering this despite where I was,
that was how clear my mind was working now. It almost came up with this stuff
automatically without consulting me. It was oddly comforting in the terrifying
moment when my heart surprised me; It did not explode at all but rather almost
skidded to a stop, sputtered about three last hard thumps and then didn’t move
anymore. For some reason it was an impulse to wait for it to start again, but
after what seemed like about two minutes, nothing. It was over, the pain, the
agony, it was finally over. Nothing else but the freedom mattered…until I
opened my eyes.
Everything before the fire had consumed me was all a blur, my mother her face unclear, lying in
the hospital with an illness that should have killed me as it had so many
others, raging war that I had craved to be a part of. These were all the
memories I had; it was all more like a dream than memories, distant and in
fragments. All I had now was the present, and a face I did not recognize; The
pale white skin of a corpse, a breath that came and went, but a heart that did
not move, and monstrous crimson red irises. And a burn in my throat, a thirst
for something I had never thirsted for before. I was not the only one that was
different now; there was a new side to Dr. Carlisle Cullen. I had never really
known the guy before so I really didn’t have an initial opinion of him except
that he had a very kind and gentle bedside manner when he had taken care of my
mother and me. He had just been a simple kindly doctor. But now I knew that
behind his healing hand he had hid something, that he wasn’t human.
“Wha…what did you do to me!?” I choked out but I did not recognize the voice that flowed so smoothly
and velvety from my lips. It wasn’t my voice. I had to double back a gaze at
the mirror on the wall to check my identity. The pale monstrous eyed face that
met my gaze for the second time was my face, but it wasn’t.
I wanted to be angry with Dr. Cullen; he had kidnapped me from the morgue, brought me to his
home and turned me into a walking corpse. I was like Frankenstein’s monster
because of him, but I could see in his face from the moment I had opened my
eyes that he didn’t enjoy this anymore than me. Then a memory flashed very
vaguely in my mind: Save him!
He told me he hadn’t wanted to do what he did, the difficulty of it, but
apparently I was worth it. As I had went through that complete hell I couldn’t
imagine that anything could be worse, but now I see that inflicting such agony possibly
was. I couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to watch me suffer from what he
had done. Especially without knowing what would happen, if he would get the
desired results or if all my pain would be in vein. What about both?
I was afraid of myself and especially of my burning thirst; I knew what it was that I craved
and it was repulsive and unholy. I was out of control, and disoriented, my body
and my senses were different now, stronger and I had no idea how to use them or
how to shut off the autopilot. Everything around me was so vivid; the smells,
the sounds, and even the sights. Early nightfall didn’t look very dark to me;
it was like I could see through the darkness like a curtain. It was the perfect
and smartest time of night to commit a sin. The city was almost empty, few
roaming and quiet to the normal ear but I could hear every specific sound down
to the footsteps of an insect. So naturally there was another unheard and
deadly sound my new ears could hear clearly, the trigger for my monstrous
insanity…a heartbeat. That was it, the burn in my throat pulsed with pleasure
as I stood in the dark city unaffected by the bitter cold breeze listening and
watching the lone figure of the young woman so innocent. There was nothing else
in the world at that moment, the pleading doctor urging me to take control fell
silent; I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t find any control within me, I wanted her
too badly. The sound of her heart and her smell attracted me so strongly
completely overriding my disgust of the idea. My pupils dilated as I went into
hunter’s mode, yet another new discovery, and launched myself at her at a speed
no human would ever even consider existed and had her pinned to the ground in
literally a second. I dug my teeth into her neck before she could scream and
sucked like a nursing infant. I groaned with pleasure as I felt the warm blood
pour down my aching throat, soothing the burn. It didn’t take long for the burn
of my thirst to be replaced with the ache of my heart at the realization of
what I had done as I lifted my head and immediately became face to lifeless
wide open face with my prey. I had just committed murder. Her blood was
literally on my hands and I could feel it drip from my mouth and down my neck.
I buried my shameful face in those blood soiled hands, sobbing except there was
only the dry heaves of my breath and the sounds but not the tears that went
with them. The doctor had said the beginning wasn’t easy, but truly was any of
it, any of this!? All
of a sudden I had to admire the man who had brought me into this life. Was it
not the same vicious attack that turned me into this horrible beast? How did he
do it? How was it not me drained of life on the ground instead of that woman?
She was not my last victim. My theory had not been completely incorrect; I had been re-born,
an excruciating rebirth into a cursed half-life. Perhaps even a spawn of Satin.
The sweet smell and the sound of the heart were too much for me especially
since I had to walk among it all the time. It was like dropping a chunk of meat
in front of a lion yet telling him he couldn’t eat it--torture! But Carlisle was right, throughout the endless years the
control did come; and with it something else, something unique. Carlisle didn’t
have to talk for me to know what he was thinking, I could hear it. With the guidance of the man who became a
father to me I found that I could resist the human sent if I wanted to, or
block it even. I didn’t actually need to breathe, and when one doesn’t breathe
one can’t smell. It didn’t make things much easier, but when my thirst was
satisfied by the local wildlife it was enough. And as I learned to block a
human’s sent, I learned to block their thoughts. As things started to fall into
place as time passed I realized I was growing; from hideous newborn hell spawn,
naive and undeveloped to mature, world’s most dangerous predator. The
hideousness was the same; just because I had learned made me no less of what I
was and no less dangerous. Not long after Carlisle
had taken me in, I had a mother again. Later came two more dying teenagers and
two rouges. That was when my new life truly began, when I went from Edward
Mason Jr. to Edward Cullen, part of a family again and I could resist the sent
of human blood so that I could live as one to the possible extent.
By the end of the 20th century the only thing standing between me and true humanity
besides my diet, and my sins was my frozen being. I was a 107 year old elderly
man who should be dead. The average male human being was determined in these
times to live to his seventies, and yet I still walked the earth in the shell
of the seventeen year old war bound boy right at his peak of becoming a man
that I should have died in beside my mother. That won’t change…I won’t ever change.
I was wrong. Everyone in this small town we dwelled in now had spoken of it…of her. A
curtain of wavy dark hair highly contrasted pale white skin, almost matching
mine…and her eyes…brown like chocolate. The moment I laid eyes on her in the
lunch room I knew I had been wrong, because right then and there I changed. She
was different; quite and bashful, she seemed smothered by the attention, lost
even. She was surrounded by people and yet she seemed all alone. She was
frustrating; I heard from her mind something I have never heard before in my
impossible years, silence.
The rules were broken, her fragile being in danger every time the vivid sent I have never
smelled before wafted around me tying me up viciously. But it didn’t matter;
she was always still there the next day in the same chair in biology beside me,
the most beautiful creature to ever be created. Of all my sins she may have
been my most unforgivable, my worst; a demon falling in love with an angel a
sin no bible has ever thought of. But I needed her, I needed to love her and I
would make sure I would never lose her. When she came into my life I felt a
completion I had thought I had already had, like I had finally found something
I had literally spent a lifetime searching for. I felt it every time I looked
into those chocolate-brown eyes.
“You don’t know how long I’ve waited for you.”
- Edward Cullen, Twilight Movie.