I just found this website called Dear blank Please blank
and found some hysterical and not-so-hysterical entries from people that you might laugh at, turn read reading, or plot your revenge with new Dear posts.
Let's do some math! Harry Potter > Voldemort. Voldemort > Cedric Diggory. Cedric Diggory = Edward Cullen. Therefore, Harry Potter > Edward Cullen.
Please note that when the love of Hermione's life left her, she continued to search for the keys to destroying the world's most powerful dark wizard. When the love of Bella's life left her, she curled up in the fetal position, went numb for months then jumped off a cliff.
Sincerely, J. K. Rowling.
I've been a 17 year old teenage boy for over a hundred years and you actually believed me when I told you I was a virgin?!
I'm sorry your fans are so obnoxious. Try using less glitter.
Sincerely, J.K. Rowling
We have a new assignment for you. His name is Edward.
Thank you for making us look sane and well-adjusted.
Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.
This is why you were in Hufflepuff.
Vampires don't sparkle. 20 points from Hufflepuff!