Dear blank Please blank....Twilight & Harry Potter style (warning satire)

I just found this website called Dear blank Please blank and found some hysterical and not-so-hysterical entries from people that you might laugh at, turn read reading, or plot your revenge with new Dear posts.
Please post your Dear blank Please blank entries in the comments.
Dear Twilight fans,
Let's do some math! Harry Potter > Voldemort. Voldemort > Cedric Diggory. Cedric Diggory = Edward Cullen. Therefore, Harry Potter > Edward Cullen.

Sincerely, suck on that

 

Dear Stephanie Meyer,
Please note that when the love of Hermione's life left her, she continued to search for the keys to destroying the world's most powerful dark wizard. When the love of Bella's life left her, she curled up in the fetal position, went numb for months then jumped off a cliff.

Sincerely, J. K. Rowling.

 

Dear Bella,
I've been a 17 year old teenage boy for over a hundred years and you actually believed me when I told you I was a virgin?!

Sincerely, Edward.

 

Dear Stephenie Meyer,
I'm sorry your fans are so obnoxious. Try using less glitter.

Sincerely, J.K. Rowling

 

Dear Edward Cullen,
Avada Kedavra!

Sincerely, Tom Riddle

 

Dear Buffy,
We have a new assignment for you. His name is Edward.

Sincerely, K

 

Dear Twilight Fans,
Thank you for making us look sane and well-adjusted.

Sincerely, Trekkies

 

Dear J.K. Rowling,
Your books are entirely unrealistic. I mean, a ginger kid with two friends?

Sincerely, Anonymous

 

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection. Enjoy fantasizing about that.

Sincerely, Logic

 

Dear Edward,
This is why you were in Hufflepuff.

Sincerely, The Sorting Hat

 

Dear Edward,
You're doing it wrong.

Sincerely, Dracula

 

Dear Cedric Diggory,
Vampires don't sparkle. 20 points from Hufflepuff!
Sincerely, Snape

Views: 938

Tags: blank, cedric, dear, edward, harry, please, potter, robert, twilight

Comment by KristinMoore on February 8, 2011 at 12:19pm
Im sorry, but i didn't find any of these amusing....they're just the same old jokes....
Comment by ß.Gomez on February 8, 2011 at 12:19pm
LMFAO
Comment by Alison Genet on February 8, 2011 at 12:22pm

Dear Trekkies,

 

   We don't have a gang sign or secret alien language.

 

                                 Sincerely, Twilight fans are still more normal that you

Comment by Alison Genet on February 8, 2011 at 12:23pm

Dear The Sorting Hat,

 

    My hair was just tickling your fancy.

 

                   Sincerely, Edward Cullen

Comment by Mrs. Fire/Ice on February 8, 2011 at 12:46pm
Great ones Alison!! The ones you wrote!
Comment by JoS on February 8, 2011 at 12:48pm
lol
Comment by Claudia Cullen-Pattinson on February 8, 2011 at 12:50pm
well said alison,haha. some of them were funny, but most were....ummm yea
Comment by Ivanna Cullen on February 8, 2011 at 1:01pm
great one alison, i like them so much
Comment by JENNIFER N. on February 8, 2011 at 1:27pm
The one from the Trekkies is hilarious! Thanks for sharing Alison. ;)
Comment by Georgie Paige on February 8, 2011 at 1:37pm

I'm offended by that ginger kid comment!! I'm a ginger!!!!!

 

 

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