I have been seeing stuff from this blog floating around the last couple days but when I finally thought to take a look!!! I was almost peeing my pants at this...

Typical day in the life of of Twilight Widower

My partner this morning was quite miffed. It seems that in between the time that she logged off the internet last night at 11:30 pm until when she went online this morning at 9 a.m. none of the thirteen-some Twilight fan blogs had made any updates whatsoever. I therefore hope any bloggers who may be reading this will redouble their efforts stalking the streets of Vancouver so my wife can wake up to fresh Twilight saga news.

Anyway, I thought it would be best to fill you in on a typical day in the life of a Twilight Widower so that you can feel less alone.

7 a.m.- Wake up. Am asked to analyze my wife's dream, in which I got ran over by Robert Pattinson driving a Volvo.

8 a.m.- After making coffee and failing at trying to make breakfast conversation over the laptop, which my wife is using to check her Twilight blogs, I resign myself to agreeing that yes, Robert Pattinson does look something like a young Salvador Dali. Also, I am reminded (again) that he will be doing a nude scene.

8:15 a.m. - Silently start to compile a list of conversation topics that have nothing to do with Twilight or Robert Pattinson in any way whatsoever. Must remember to try to sneak these into our conversation at some point today.

8:50 a.m.- Wife rushes off to work, telling me that I should have been keeping an eye on the time for her. And why didn't I get her lunch ready?

10:30- I receive yet another e-mail from the wife with more links to the "hilarious" adventures of the Edward Cullen action figures, which other over-30 married women apparently seem to be occupying themselves with instead of taking care of their loved ones. I am happy that the wife has not yet demanded I buy one for her. (Although, I suspect, it is only a matter of time.)

12 Noon- I begin to wonder if I am starting to resent Robert Pattinson, but I decide no. I return to vandalizing "R-Pattz" pictures on Photoshop.

1:30 p.m.- I get another e-mail from my wife, asking whether I can get a copy of the The Twilight Saga: The Official Guide on my way home.

5:30 p.m. Arrive home. As usual, no dinner. Wife is re-reading entire Twilight saga, and has isolated herself in our bedroom, saying she has "work to do."

7 p.m.- After finishing the dinner and dishes, I poke my head into the bedroom to look in on the wife. She waves me away and makes hissing sounds until I leave.

8 p.m.- It's that time of day, the final check of the blogs. I am accordingly given updates. I treasure these rare moments together.

*K-Stew was seen using a restaurant washroom and was totally not stuck-up when a fan talked to her in the stall next to her.
* AshGreene has a dog.
* PFratt talks to EW magazine, saying "Robert Pattinson is easy to work with." Wow, he is so down to earth.

9 p.m.- Am lonely. Consider asking wife to watch Twilight DVD for 7th time. But then, what will we do on date night? Hmmm...maybe I will play Xbox with the teen.

9:15 p.m.- Kid kicks me off Xbox. Apparently, I "suck" at Halo. Damned complicated controllers.
In my day we had two buttons and we were happy to have them, dammit.

10:30 p.m.- Wife suddenly wants my attention. She wants me to watch a British TV movie starring Robert Pattinson on Youtube. I pour some wine and swallow my pride.

See more of this Twilight Widows Guys thought here...

Views: 64

Comment by Monika Lopez on May 9, 2009 at 12:42am
Comment by Sera Provenzano on May 9, 2009 at 1:09am
Comment by Frances on May 9, 2009 at 1:14am
ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!! Thank God I'm not that bad, hahaha!!! I talk about Twilight all the time, but I can sense when my hubby gets bored of my Twichatter. His eyes sorta glaze over. LoL!!!
Comment by Alison Genet on May 9, 2009 at 1:16am
O told Jason it might be a good idea for him to be a part of this guys followers so he can be amongst his peers. LOL holy hell I need an intervention!!!!! 12 step program or something...
Comment by Frances on May 9, 2009 at 1:38am
My friend & I made a joke that she would leave her hubby cuz he never read Harry Potter. And then he said he'd have to go live in a group home with other divorced HP guys. And then I said that on the other side of the house would be the Twilight guys. Thats when my hubby was like.."thats where I'll be!!" And the only rule is that the HP & the Twilight guys wont be allowed to speak to each other. But every now & then, they'll get into gang fights about who sucks more..Harry or Edward...and they'll have homemade shanks and stuff, lmao!!! It was sooooooooooooooooooo funny!!!!!!!!!!!!
Comment by Mary on May 9, 2009 at 3:27am
Hahaha that's great. I actually met two of the over 30 wives that have the pocket Edward and they send picture mail all through the day to each other saying things like "Edwards got me coffe" or "Edward's doing my grocery shopping." They have 3 kids between the two of them and one of the daughters asked her mother if she's "going to divorce daddy for Edward" She also has a the huge edward poster hanging in her garage because there is no where else for her to put it.
Comment by Alison Genet on May 9, 2009 at 9:11am
LMAO...okay I have a pocket Edward and want to take pics with him all over doing stupid stuff because I think it's funny but my girls started laughing at me last night and Jason just gave me a look. I have so much stuff that I could have a Twilight room but it's in a closet....hope I get some Twilight stuff for mother's day.

The HP and Twilight group home is killing me....gang wars haha.
PS if you see a pic later today of Edward grocery shopping....you will know I went rouge.

Comment by Frances on May 9, 2009 at 11:59am
My hubby allowed me to put up ONE Twilight poster in our bedroom. But its in the corner, lol. You can see it when you walk in the room though. The rest of my twilight posters and pictures are up on my side of the closet behind my clothes..LOL!!!

I want a pocket size Jasper doll..where can I get one of those?? LoL!!
Comment by Frances on May 9, 2009 at 12:06pm
Okay..I just read this to my hubby..and he was laughing his ass off!!!!!!!!!! He especially loved the "non twilight" part about Halo and the 2 buttons on the controller, lol. But he laughed really hard at the part where the guy aid he was lonely and was considering asking his wife to watch the movie for the 7th time!!
Comment by Tracy R on May 9, 2009 at 12:07pm
LOL. My hubby actually bought me the Edward pillow case. I thought that was taking it just a little to the extreme, but he seemed to think it would help make me feel more 'amorous' for lack of a better word. And he did ask when the poster was going on the ceiling ;)


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