More Letters From Edward! First time reading? Letters From Edward is a little funny thing Sarah Anaya aka Cookie Monster ! and I came up with when just randomly talking about Twilight. These are letters from Edward to his love, Bella. These are meant to be funny and are not to be taken seriously. There should be at least one from each book (most of the time more) and who knows? Maybe more. Enjoy these Letters From Edward!
Hello Eveyone !
We're back!!! Sorry for the long wait, we've had a lot going on in our live personal and business that kept us away from our beloved Edward and
he still has not forgiven us. But we're willing to deal with the
punishment he gives out ;-) hehe ... We look forward to bringing you
more letters since LFE is coming to a close after Breaking Dawn. We plan
to continue on with more letters from the perspective from other much
loved Twilight characters such as Bella and Jacob and they're gonna be
just as funny if not funnier. Now sit back drink some RnR and eat some
Harry's famous fish fry and enjoy a sneak peak at the new Letters from
To My ( oh hell i hope that she b**** dont find me ) Bella,
I’m writing you this letter in the safety of my closet because I know rose wouldn’t dare come near
here. Let’s face it, if Alice didn’t dress me, I wouldn’t mind wearing knock offs from Walmart (oh I hope Alice didn’t hear. We already have one pissed off pmsing vampire, we don’t need another). In case I die because Emmett is a complete idiot and decided to play a joke on the one person that can rip all are man hood off without thinking twice, I am writing this letter so you know what
happened, because you know its not everyday your super hot sparkly boyfriend
dies a painful death due to the careless acts of an overgrown toddler !
Well, last night while Rose was applying her facial mask (though I don’t know why she does it because it doesn’t do anything), Emmett snuck up behind her and clipped off one of her
pony tails, scream “Sour then sweet!” Apparently, he had just seen the Sour
Patch Kids commercial where the gummy cuts off the girl’s hair and she forgives
him because he is sweet and all contrite. Well, Rose wasn’t as forgiving as the girl.
“YOU DUMBASS! YOU OVERGROWN, STUPID, IDIOTIC, BABYISH, DUMBASS! IM GONNA KILL YOU! MY HAIR!!! IM RIPPING YOUR BALLS OFF, AND SEE IF YOU FORGIVE ME THEN!!!” (her exact words.
Scary isn’t it? Bet you’re cringing in your purple pillow.)
I, being the smart but oh so stupid person that I am, join in and try and save Emmett
his manhood. “Rose, don’t get too out of hand, he didn’t mean any harm by it. You know Emmett, he’s like a five year old. He loves you, he’s just kidding.” Boy was I such a smartie that night. Rose whipped around on me and I swear in that moment, I cried for my mommy.
“AND IM GONNA RIP YOURS OFF FOR DEFENDING HIM , HOW CAN YOU DEFEND THIS RETARD? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! WHAT IF BELLA CUT YOUR HAIR BALD?!?! BOTH YOUR A**** ARE MINE!!”
Don’t worry, love, you’re safe. Rose won’t be doing anything to you (I think).
Soon I must go. I hear Rose storming around the house and sooner or later, she’s going to
smell my fear inside this closet, and trust me, with how much I am afraid right now, that
fear smells pretty damn strong. Be on the lookout for more letters. I must
lovingly dictate to you our wedding and honeymoon and jacob’s possible love fest
with the wolf pack in the lonely nights in the forest. Come on, you know you were thinking that. I mean, He ain’t getting no loving from you, so he might just be lifting his tail for Paul.
Bella, if this is the last you hear from me, please, know that I lo~~~
Hello, Bella, It’s Rose. Sorry Edward’s letter has to be cut short but he has other
business to attend to. And trust me, this won’t be the last you hear from him.
You’re going to be hearing him scream for many many days after you get this.
P.S. If you touch my hair, b****, I will eff you up.
You will die. Can’t wait for the wedding!
Want to get the full LFE experience? Missed our other letters? Read them here!