Letters From Edward is a little funny thing Sarah Anaya
and I came up with when just randomly talking about Twilight. These are letters from Edward to his love, Bella. These are meant to be funny and are not to be taken seriously. There should be one from each book and who knows? Maybe more. Enjoy These Letters From Edward!
Dear Sweetie Lovelumpkins,
You ARE my life now. I will only sparkle and brood for you….and occasionally for other people because I’m emo like that. I plan on sneaking through your window at night and watching you toss and turn in your sleep, murmuring something about that creepy guy who sites next to you in Biology. I’m not a stalker I just love you soo much that I have to watch your every move even though you don’t know that last night I soo saw u taking those anit - gas pills its okay love I love u anyways, u will be my world , even though I don’t have a world and i pretty much keep to myself cause people think I’m creepy. I plan on taking you to play baseball with my super cool family of vampires, because yeah, I sparkle and eat deer but not the meat, just the blood because meat is gross. I’m a veggie vampire. We will get attacked by this sadistic vampire named James wearing butt crack Santa’s jacket and he will sniff the air like someone farted and say that you’re tasty.
Me and my kick ass family will try to protect you, I will take you away from Forks , even though it would have been easier to kill that douche and his b**** of a girlfriend right at the baseball field, yes smart, but love, I don’t think on smarts, I think on pure love. I will take you away from your father, the very man that gave you life cause you know you cant stay in forks even though I could soo totally kill that vamp even if you were here, but love I have to take you away. My awesome sister Alice and her mate Jasper, who will ultimately try to kill you later, will drive you to Arizona, because that makes total sense to take you to a place where the sun shines constantly and I sparkle in the sun, yes perfect sense. I will have them protect you even though James calls you and tells you he has your mom when clearly it’s a recording playing in the background. I mean seriously, why the hell did u fall for that? But it’s okay love, because when you are almost near death in that studio me and my awesome family will appear and gaily fall to the ground and try to save you, even though you were already bitten and you could have soo turned into a vampire. But I would not do that to you my lovey pop, cause you deserve life even though you would make a kick ass vampire and will probably be stronger than all of us, the point is that you need to live and I will save you even though my father who has more control over blood than I do could totally save you but he has me do it instead cause you know how your blood sings to me and all.
So that leaves you in the hospital all hurt and stuff from James beating you up and I’m supposed to be sleeping but I’m not because vampire don’t sleep. I still won’t change you and make the pain go away because having all this pain is much better than being immortal, sparkly, cold, fast, and awesome like me. We go to prom when you’re almost healed even though you sooo don’t want to go and you think I’m going to turn you then but I don’t because I would rather have you clumsy and make a fool out of yourself at prom. While there you’ll see your friend Jacob who seriously looks like Fabio’s Native American love child with that long hair of his. I mean seriously, I wonder if he gets that caught on the car door? Anyway, even though I soo no he's gonna be a werewolf someday and try and take you away from me, I’ll let you talk to him. Even though he was paid to come here to tell you to stay away from me, (I swear he's a closet douche bella love) I still let you talk to him.
I will be with you forever; nothing will come between us. I will love you when you’re old and gray even though it’s creepy, I will love you and feed you and change your adult diaper until you die. I will follow you in death even though I really shouldn’t have to since I could have changed u a long time ago. You may ask how I know all this when you read my letter. I read the book.