So, I’ve been reading like a mad woman to get through the 17 chapters that is our latest FanFiction book club selection, “Million Dollar Baby”. I mean, I needed to meet my FanFiction Friday blog post commitment and all, but believe me, it hasn’t been easy. I was supremely peeved that I had to go to Vegas for a work conference and lost an entire 24 hours of reading time on Wednesday. Actually, reading this smutty stuff, drinking, and being around work peeps is not a good idea. Because I start telling everyone I’m reading erotica and you just never know how that’s going to be received. I just hope they drank too much and remember nothing today. I mean, we were in Vegas. I even woke up with gum in my mouth this morning.
ANYWAY, about MDB: I’m hooked. Someone get a restraining order, because I’m a total stage five clinger to Colossalcockward (aka Edward Cullen). I mean, every fic needs to have a nickname for their Edward right? And by the sound of his MDB nickname, you get how smutty this story is. Gurls, if you’re not into delayed gratification like our beloved Fifty Shades of “Master of the Universe” is, then you will be a fan of MDB. Helllooooooo chapter one lemons!
In fact, I really lurved chapter one of MDB. It was dark and creepy and freaking-A, Bella even has a gay best friend named Gabe who says things like I “I heart you Bitch”. I decided right there that Gay Gabe was going to be Adam Lambert in my head. I mean, I needed a visual. And Adam calls us gurls swinging from his jock strap “bitches” so lovingly, that it just fit. (This ‘lil nugget will have more significance later.) SO, without spoiling the story and dissecting plot lines, here are my general thoughts on MDB.
Crude Bella, imperfect Edward? WHAAAAAAT?
Bella is a crude ass b****! She’s got a foul ass mouth! And I’ll be honest; I was a little taken aback at first, because it goes against the meek little Bella that I’m used to. However, I loved how she was always making pop culture references, making the story seem more real by tying it to the real world we actually live in. This character is a head strong, tough beyotch. And then there’s Edward…. Oh Edward. He’s such a freagin’ cocky bastard in MDB! Cockyward! I loved the image in chapter one of Edward sitting in that chair, purchasing his Million Dollar Baby in this underground sex slave trade ring, wearing an all black Armani suit with a black button down shirt – black on black – looking his brand new toy up and down. And then he says – Oh no, not gonna spoil it – but what he says to Bella is priceless – “Well Isabella, let’s see what you’re worth”… (Must read for the jaw dropping statement to follow!)
Here’s the way awesome part about MDB: It’s told from both Bella and Edward’s POV! Yes, so you get to go inside Edward’s head gurls! I said “INSIDE” – NOT “ON” (jeez, you have diiiirty minds!) So you’re reading thinking Eddie is a big giant dickhead (pun sort of not intended) and you realize that maybe it’s a total put on. He’s not as perfect and controlled as we’re used to Edward being. He’s flawed and insecure and has the mind of a really ass-sessed guy, just like real men. Speaking of sex, MDB takes no prisoners with the sexual details. In fact, if this were a porn video, it’d be the equivalent of having the camera jammed right up in the private parts. Nothing is left to the imagination. And Bella and Edward are suuuuuriously dirty with each other. They like to piss each other off just to have wild makeup s-e-x. But this story isn’t just gratuitous sex. There’s a really good plot behind it. And I freaking love to see the roles sort of reversed, where it’s not just Bella pinning away for Edward as he just sits there calm, cool, and collected looking like an Adonis, all sex on legs ‘n stuff. Don’t get me wrong, ColassalCockward is sex on legs, but he’s no enigma. I love that. It makes Edward seem more real – attainable even. Ya, we wish!
Hey, Adam Lambert, how did you get here??
Um, do I need I give you yet ANOTHER reason to read this fic??? I think not. But I will. In case you didn't know; this newly minted perv (that would be me) lurvs herself some Adam Lambert. In fact, from some previous blogs I've done on Twifans where I've mentioned the man (---->), I know there are a few of you right up there on his jock strap with me! So you can imagine my excitement when Bella had to go and utter the words ADAM LAMBERT in the last chapter!!!! Whaaaaat? How did Adam Lambert jump out of my head and onto the pages of MDB? I must be the luckiest gurl in the world to have found this fic. Combining my two loves! *sighs*… Yep, apparently Gay Gabe has an Adam Lambert fetish too. Back off Gabe, he’s mine, b****. Not gonna spoil how Adam graces the pages of MDB, you’ll just have to read.
What do you think of “Million Dollar Baby” book club readers? Comments are almost as sexy as CollossalCockward, so don’t leave me hangin’!
P.S. Will announce new FanFiction book club selection next week. Need to let others catch up with our super human speed reading and all, and mama needs a Twi-porn break......
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