The Male Twihard Ryan McKee takes a look at the dads of 'Twilight.'
I am not a father, nor do I even pretend to know how to be a good one. (It involves owning a briefcase and knowing how to throw a baseball back and forth, I believe?)
However, I do know "The Twilight Saga." So with Father's Day coming up this weekend, I'm paying tribute to the dads from the series.
But who is the best "Twilight" dad? (Besides all of them?) Allow me to lay out the facts.
Charlie Swan, Carlisle Cullen, Billy Black and (future screen daddy) Edward Cullen are the men under the microscope. While everyone has their own ideas on what makes the best father, I've done some in-depth research (thanks, Ask Jeeves!) and these are the qualities most will agree on:
They should be of high integrity, but never high on other things. They should be able to provide for their kids, meaning they need some cash money -- Benjamins, if you will. And a father needs to be responsible, offer guidance, and spend quality time with children. These are proven techniques that keep daughters (and sons) off the stripper pole. Let's break down how these four fellows have done so far:
Charlie: Hands-off. Only sees daughter on holidays until she's 17. Shows as much emotion as a vampire, so it makes sense that his daughter falls for one.
Carlisle: Permissive and lenient. Allows his adopted offspring to do anything short of murder and pays their bills well into adulthood.
Billy: Authoritative. Doesn't give Jacob many choices, only allowing him to be a wolf when he grows up.
Edward: Reads daughter's mind. She will never be able to get away with anything.
Charlie: Spends most of his time working and fishing, unless Bella makes dinner for him.
Carlisle: Despite being a busy doctor, finds time to play baseball, throw parties and fight evil vampires with his family.
Billy: Unemployed, he has all the time in the world to hang with Jacob.
Edward: Still a new parent, he makes time to take his daughter hunting, when he's not occupied with saving her life from Volturi.
Read more of the analysis at Next Movie.