NICOLAS CAGE A VAMPIRE?

by Jessica Dawn Hedrick on Tuesday, September 20, 2011 at 4:41pm

Cage, and not just his drunk and disorderly behavior, penchant for

wacko baby names, or his eyebrows. I mean, that's like every other celebrity you

throw a rock at on the street. Isn't it strange that the supposedly 47-year-old

actor looks virtually unchanged since his first big hit Moonstruck all

the way back in the '80s? Well, Jack Mord and I don't think so. And the Seattle

photo archivist has a photo to prove it.

He claims the Civil War photo at left is none other than Nicolas Cage. And

looking at it, there can only be three possible explanations:

1. It's a fake (Mord says it can be proven authentic).

2. It's a guy that just really looks like Cage, and Cage's youthfulness is

due to plastic surgery tips he picked up from his co-star Cher while filming

Moonstruck.

3. The photo proves Nicolas Cage is really a vampire!

I'm going with number 3.

I'll admit there are some holes in this theory. For some reason, Mord's

auction of the photo on eBay today (for a cool $1 mil) was

either pulled by the site or Mord himself, but not before explaining the

origins:

Personally, I believe it's him and that he is some sort of walking

undead/vampire, etcetera, who quickens/reinvents himself once every 75 years or

so. 150 years from now, he might be a politician, the leader of a cult or a talk

show host. My theory is that he allows himself to age to a certain point, maybe

70, 80 or so, then the actor 'Nicolas Cage' will 'die' ... but in reality, the

undead vampire 'Nicolas Cage' will have rejuvenated himself and appeared in some

other part of the world, young again, and ready to start all

over.

Mord seems like a legit guy, running a website called The Thanatos Archives, an

"extensive collection of early post-mortem and memorial/mourning photography

dating back to the 1940s." In other words, the photos are really, really old,

like the stuff you had to develop in dark rooms back in the old days using lots

of chemicals, chemicals that could get you high without the proper ventilation

...

Uh, anyway ...

Some things don't quite fit with this theory, like how Cage is able to run

around in daylight, for instance, and I think he wore a crucifix in

Moonstruck.

But it explains more than it doesn't, like why he starred in that really bad

flick Vampire's Kiss back in 1988, why he likes to make shoot-'em-up

movies with lots of blood, why he built a $40,000 above ground tomb in a New

Orleans cemetery, why he loves New Orleans so much(

Interview With

a Vampire, anyone?).

And it could certainly explain what the hell is up with son Weston Cage.

Contrary to popular belief, vampires can make half-human, half-vampire

babies

1940S

2011

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