Panty melting Fanfiction: 'Master of the Universe' will EAT YOU ALIVE (Book club update!)

I can’t eat… I…I can’t sleep…

The only thing I can muster up the willpower to do these days is…read…Twilight…porn…named…Master of the Universe….

Ok, so remember how last week we started a fanfiction book club with “Master of the Universe” being our first read? Well it was a mistake of epic proportion. Because there's really no where to go but down! I mean, what idiot reads the greatest fanfic of all time and then expects to keep a book club going after that? Oh ya, that would be me. Well sorry for the gross misguidance and all, but this s*** is some panty meltin', nut poppin' stuff. It's like crack to a crack ho --- and the ho would be you.

Help, I’ve fallen into Twilight porn and I can’t get up!

YOU. MUST. READ. THIS. And if you choose to not read this fic even after reading my pleas for you to try it, and after watching my latest MOTU podcast, then I believe you might be A-sexual, and you should really get that checked out.

What? You claim to not have time to read fanfic? A wise woman once said to me in her pleas for me to start reading MOTU: Don’t act like you have a job or anything!! – Well said! And thanks to MOTU, not only is my job suffering, so is my household. My dog is lucky he gets fed. I’m ok with all of this because I know there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I know that life will return to normal after MOTU.

Oh s***, that's a sobering thought: Life after Fifty Shades. Don’t know who Fifty Shades is? Well that’s Bella’s nickname for Edward. He’s Fifty Shades of F***** Up. Intrigued?

Why you need to read MOTU

Simply put, MOTU is PORN-OH-GRAPHIC. But in a good way. Like, there really is an awesome story behind it all, but this Edward just happens to be a very HOT, fine piece of ass who loves sex and especially when whips and chains are involved. Yes, Edward is into S&M. And yes, it’s heavenly to read. Trust a girl, it’s eye-opening in so many ways…………………………

And Bella, well, she’s WAY better than the realz Bella. Her inner monologue is extremely funny. She has an inner conscience and inner Goddess and they’re usually at odds with each other. Like, when Edward throws her up against the wall and tells her he’s going to take her NOW, the Goddess can be found doing the maranga or jumping from foot to foot clapping like a schoolgirl in Bella’s head! At the same time, her inner conscience is giving her the stink eye and calling her a HO!

Why you’ll love Fifty Shades (aka Edward Cullen) better than the original Edward Cullen, the vampire…

Because he says things to Bella like: “Anticipation is the key to seduction, and I’m really into delayed gratification.” But unlike Twilight, Edward ALWAYS closes the deal. Always really sexily too. OMIGODWARD!

Because he’s a warm blooded 28-year old man with green eyes and not a cold, pasty, 17-year old vampire. He can do the nasty with Bella and he won’t kill her…but he may spank her…and he’ll like it. A lot.

Because he’s otherworldly gorgeous and confident and funny and a white knight and a dark knight and wounded and generous and FUCKHAWT!

Because he’s making Bella that happiest woman in the world when he’s not making her the most miserable.

MOTU has amassed so many fans in the world of fanfiction that the author, SnowQueens Icedragon has begun a sequel to the story. And as you’ll see in my podcast from this past weekend, we seriously feel this should be made into a movie. All they’ll need to do is change the names and BAM: we got a blockbuster hit on our hands! Look, since Edward is not a vampire, we aren’t changing any major plot lines here! We’re taking investors via Paypal if you’d like to be involved in bringing this to the big screen! And yes, Robert Pattinson WILL play the part of Fifty.

And that’s another thing…I’ll never be able to look at Robert Pattinson the same again. Not after this. That man is the love child of heaven and hell. Just like Fifty. AHHH!

Now if you haven’t started Master of the Universe yet, go read it NOW. If I were Fifty, I’d tell you to do as you’re told. Or I’ll throw you over my knee. And you’ll like it.

Watch this super HOT vid that has MOTU written all over it! I love the Enrique Inglesius song - the lyrics totally fit the way Fifty feels about Bella... Enjoy!

Watch the MOTU PODCAST my friend and I just did!!!!

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Reading MOTU? Share your thoughts in the comments!

Views: 7600

Comment by Carol on September 16, 2010 at 7:48am
MOTU has to be one of the best ff stories I've ever read. So glad Icy is continuing this story.
Comment by JoS on September 16, 2010 at 7:51am
i love fanfics and this one is really cool
Comment by George on September 16, 2010 at 8:16am
you're one of the best 'things' that happened to Twifans!
Comment by andi on September 16, 2010 at 9:08am
this was the first story i ever favorited!! so excited for the sequel :)
Comment by Malina on September 16, 2010 at 2:39pm
I want to thank you for recommending this story and starting the book club. Course once I started reading it, there was very little hope of me sticking to only the 10 chapters you suggested. I had it done in 2 days (and would have had it done in less if real life didn't have to come interfere!). I am completely and utterly head over heels for this story and for Fifty. Icy has written by far the best Edward and Bella I have ever read and I would trade places with Bella in a second if I could get my hands on that there Fifty. I LOVE IT! Are you serious that this may become a film with Rob playing Fifty? If that happened, well...I may just die. Seriously, DEAD. I left a comment at one point while reading Icy's story that said that I thought she should have this story published and just change the names because the story is probably the best thing I have ever read! But, if it got turned into a movie...well now that would make MY inner goddess faint :)
Comment by Malina on September 16, 2010 at 4:44pm
Wow, really love the video you linked. When I saw the photo shoot of Rob with the naked women, I really thought that he pulled totally was channeling his inner Fifty :) So, it was perfect that she used a lot of those pictures.
Comment by Valeriya on September 16, 2010 at 5:56pm
OMG I am so sleep deprived!!! I have been staying up till odd hours of the night reading this stuff since your first post...I even go as far as to read it at work on my phone! It makes the day go by soooo much faster...thank you, thank you, thank you pop culture junkie :) keep these fun blogs coming
Comment by Nessa714 on September 16, 2010 at 6:17pm
The BEST FF I have EVER read!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing compares to fifty..
Comment by jcullen17 on September 16, 2010 at 7:22pm
If the story is HALF as sensual as that vidieo it is defintely worth reading - OMG I have chills in all the right places after that!!!!
Comment by twicrazy on September 16, 2010 at 7:56pm
Amen to everything you said!!! And once you start reading, you can't stop!!!!! I wonder if rob would do the movie after reading the story??!! But then Kristen would have to play Bella......


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