some of them I think are really really stupid
Any old celebrity can inspire a petition.
Then there's Robert Pattinson. He can—and does—inspire petitions. Very plural.
Pattinson fans, it seems, aren't content to merely wave at their object of affection—as the screaming hordes who supposedly prompted the Twilight star to hurl his white-hot self in front of an oncoming New York City cab suggest.
No, they want to help, advise and even bathe their man.
Here's a sampling of the Pattinson petitions, in case, you know, you're looking for a worthy cause to support:
• "Robert Pattinson come to Tampa, FL for a meet & greet"
Sadly, there's no evidence this one succeeded. (Yet.) But there's no harm in trying. Or asking. As those lobbying for Pattinson appearances in Australia and Kansas City should agree. (Note to Mr. Pattinson regarding the Kansas City petition: No idea if you're being asked to pop into Kansas City, Kan., or Kansas City, Mo. Guess you'll have to do both to shore up support in the Midwest.)
• "Please Wash Your Hair, Robert Pattinson"
It's unclear when this respectful plea—"We, the undersigned, hereby beg you to wash your hair. We also petition that you then, once you have washed your hair, wash it routinely thereafter, at least once every few days, with shampoo."—was launched. Was it after Pattinson showed off his dirty hair in Dossier? Or after Pattinson talked about his dirty hair to Extra? In any case, the anti-dirty hair movement is apparently not as hot as Pattinson's dirty hair. At last check, there were just 57 signees for the above petition. Make that, 57 ardent signees. Writes No. 51: "Damn straight, it needs washing."
• "Petition to get Robert Pattinson to take a bath!!! Who's with me?"
To answer the above question, the person who wrote "Take a bath, stinky!" is with you. (Maybe time to join forces with the shampoo pushers?)
• "Twilight on SNL, Robert Pattinson as Host"
With more than 5,000 signees, and a blog to boot, this is one of the largest Pattinson petitions out there. Sadly, for its supporters, it's been as successful as the bath one. As Saturday Night Live viewers can attest, Pattinson did not host the show last season. Signatures, however, are still being added. And another SNL season is looming. An NBC rep says no guest hosts, dirty haired or not, are locked in yet.
• "Let Robert Pattinson Use Accent In New Moon"
Question: If Pattinson took a bath, washed his hair and sounded like a proper Brit in the Twilight sequel, would we even recognize him?
• "Against Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen"
Um, this petition, which attracted 725 signees, is now closed.