Work was slow today. I hated slow days. They gave me too much time to think. I liked the fast paced, emergency situations. Not that I liked humans dying. But I liked, no LOVED when work was fast and quick. Maybe because that’s the way I was. Fast. Of course, Edward was faster. Edward. I remember the day I turned him. Vampire memories are always so vivid. It’s hard to forget anything. I remember him lying on that hospital bed. He was dying. His parents had preceded him, his mother the most recently. I didn’t want to tell him. Vampires and humans are the same in their love. If anything were to happen to Esme, I would want to die. Edward has lost both his parents, whom he loved dearly. But I had to tell him. And then I had to make him live. His mother had asked me to save Edward. She knew I could do it. What she didn’t know was WHAT I was going to do. She didn’t know what I was, what I was capable of. That I really could save him. By making him like me. I broke the news to Edward. He didn’t cry. He didn’t look angry that I couldn’t save her.
“She told me to save YOU.” I had had told him. Edward looked at me, his eyes filled with pain.
“I’m sorry you can’t.” He replied feebly. I saw his eyes close. I knew I had to act right then! Edward was about to die. He had given up. He had nothing left in the world, nothing to live for anymore. I struggled inside myself for a few brief seconds. Why not let him die? Wouldn’t it be better for him? But his mother. It was her last wish. Couldn’t I fulfill it? But she didn’t know what she was really saying to me. She didn’t know. I COULD save him, but not in the way she had though. I moved my head toward his neck. There were two options. One: I would kill Edward myself. Or two: I would save him. Whatever decision I made, that would be my answer. My teeth sank into the soft skin on his neck. The blood flowed readily from his veins into my mouth. It was wonderful. Edward yelled in pain, but I barely heard it. No one came to see what was the matter. Patients screamed and yelled in pain often. It was a common occurrence, nothing anyone was alarmed about. But I didn’t let go. Then an image of Edward’s mother flashed before me. I let go. After I did, it was easy to resist. I worked around blood all day. The smell or sight of it no longer bothered me. Edward was still screaming. I reached down again and bit his wrists, then the inner part of his arms, where they bent at the elbow. Those were the wounds I had sustained. I hoped they would do the job, and that he wouldn’t suffer for long. I wasn’t sure what to do with him. Patients made a lot of noise when they were dying or having seizures. I just didn’t know what he would do once the transformation was over. I had killed people when I was new. But I’d always hated taking innocent lives. What if he didn’t? What if he WANTED to kill people? How would he react? I had never turned anyone before. But I now knew that I could. It was possible. I thought about Edward now. He had turned out fine. He had gone through a rebellious stage once. That was the only time he had killed anyone. But everyone who lived in the house with Esme and me was free to go their own way. I hadn’t tried to stop Edward. I still wouldn’t, if he suddenly changed his mind. I still wonder if changing him was the best thing for him. He didn’t seem particularly happy with this life. But who could be? Everyone you knew, all your friends, the bonds you’d made. You had to watch all those people die, while you lived forever. But, Edward also didn’t seem like he hated our life. He was indifferent. Like Esme.
Esme, my beautiful wife. I remember when I changed her, too. It wasn’t easier the second time. She was actually already in the morgue when I found her. I was just about to go home after my shift and I passed by on my way out. That’s when I heard it. I suddenly stopped. There it was again. A heartbeat. It was faint, though, and fading fast. I ducked inside quickly, looking around to make sure no one saw me. What business did I have in here? Esme was a broken, bloody mess, and she really did look dead. I suddenly remembered hearing something a bit earlier about some woman who had fallen from a cliff. Some hikers had found her, dead. Her body had the freshest blood, it had to be her. There was nothing anyone could do to save her, even if they had known that she was alive. Except me. And she would have died there, had I not picked her up and taken her home. I laid her gently on the couch when I got there. Edward was gone, out again, but that was nothing new. The woman before me was gorgeous. She was going to die, but I could save her like I had with Edward. I placed my lips by her neck, then stopped, suddenly debating. What if she had a family? She’d never be able to go back to the,. Of course, she wouldn’t if she was dead, either. But what if she was suicidal. It suddenly occurred to me. What if she didn’t fall? What if she had jumped? But why? Was her life really so terrible? Would life be better if she became like Edward and me? I had watched numerous humans die in the hospital. Why was she so different? I didn’t debate any longer. Once again my lips touched the warm flesh of a human. My cold lips pressed to her neck, and my teeth exposed themselves, eager. It was better than Edward’s had been. Maybe that’s why I thought I wanted to save her. I just wanted her blood. But then she screamed. I heard it this time. Not like with Edward. She screamed again, fainter this time. I was taking what little blood she had left. And somehow, I stopped.Esme was a kind of experiment for me. I had sustained numerous wounds before I was changed. I wondered if just one would do the job. I would wait and see. Did she feel different than Edward had? Was there more pain or less? Did more bites make things better or worse? I couldn’t know. So I sat down to wait. Once Esme was changed, I found out her story. I had been right in thinking she was suicidal. She had just lost her first and only child. She had waited months for her baby to finally come. And then, when it finally had, it had died. Maybe I really SHOULD have let Esme die. It was what she had wanted. But then, so had Edward. But Edward was a different scenario altogether. Esme seemed fairly happy with our life. We WERE happy. She didn't like killing humans any more than I did. She had always wanted children, something we could never have. But she seemed content with Edward and Rosalie.