I found myself singing too. playing time to time his smile and the way he looked that day , in my head. doing that was really painful but it was a pain i could bear. a pain that took me some how, to my happy place; by his side.
I managed to get off the floor , while singing. i have to admit one thing; the song gave me some kind of strong. as if singing , sent électric shock in my body. giving to my legs much energy to support my weight.
i cleaned myself, brushed my hair, and dressed. After the trying-to-look-human process done, i went out of the bathroom and met jared leaning, his back on the wall, by the bathroom's door. he appreciated me for a minute, then smiled ( to be honest, i felt a little bit embarrassed).
"how are you?" he asked, still smiling but with eyes serious, looking for any sign that could show his question might bring back the crying process again. it seems to me that he couldn't help it. like it was something he need to ask. i felt very bad for that. he shouldn't have stayed with me. i will ask him to take me home and leave me alone.
"what a silly reaction! he just want to help. if not him, you will be now..... well you know!"
" yeah....i know. but still, i don't want him to feel....well, i don't think it's good for him to be with me."
"and where will you like him to be? okay! look at it this way; he's Edward's best friend right? so a brother in some ways. do you think he won't take care of his sister who is in need?"
" yeah! his sister in low, in some ways ( mental smile)"
when it said that, i felt a shape pain in my heart. i tried to hide the agoni off my face , not wanting jared to think it was because of his question_ question i haven't answer yet_ that have made me feel bad. i think i fail though, because , i watched his smile slowly fade and his face changed in to something that look like worry, concerne and...angry? angry with who? himself? for what? causing my pain? i hurry to reassure him. telling him it wasn't his false if i felt bad. i asked him if he could take me to my home and he agreed.
" i'm very sorry katie. truce me honey i am. i didn't mean to hurt you. i... i wasn't thinking. i'm very sorry katherine..."
"it's okay! don't worry. it.....( i took a deep breath before talking again)..just made me realised i will never be tied to him in that way. i know you wanted to help and i'm not made at you. it's....okay!"
we pasted the now empty main room _ i wonder where everyone was_ and headed to the front door, to his car, and he took me to my home
to be continuous