"to my lost soul: it's been soo long since the last time we talked.i have the impression my heart have stopped bitting from that day! we said many things, good things and unpleasant things. the abscence, not hearing you beautiful voice...it's so unbearable i can hardly breath. i confess, i'm totally and irrevocably dependent on you very person. ps: i love you, it's the only excuse i have!!"
time passes. even when it seems impossible. even when each tick of the second hand aches like the pulse of blood behind a bruise. it passes unevenly, in strange lurches and dragging lulls but pass it does. even for me.
it now makes more than a month since my love have been taken from me. for me, it seems like yesterday. i am always surprise, every day, when i trun and he's not there. once, i called on his phone, wanting to share something with him and it took me 4 rings to realise that no one is ever going to answer to me again. on that number, a list. i hadn't realised before that all my world and existance was about him on till the day he left. now, i wasn't trying to live. no! definitively not doing that. what i was doing, was letting myself be, as a corpus without any soul to guide it.
School has started by then. well, puratory will be the right word for me. the time of my days, when i wish to die, just to escape the eyes of my classmates, who were now looking at me as if i have losen my mind. mmh maybe it was the care but still.... i couldn't blame them for that though. i wasn't making any effort to get better. what will be they point? my old friends didn't boder to talk to me again, as when they did, they hardly had any response from me. Helen was the only one who stayed with me now. she's a very quiet girl, so she hardly boder me with unnecessery talks and i thanks her for that.
when i came back home, Jared was there waiting for me. so my mother have finaly decided to call for him. i will bet she's counting on him the bring me back to life. pffff why wouldn't they leave me alone?
" you need to talk to people. you can't be staying alone like that kate. it's inhuman. you are so in pain and to be serious, you are scaring me too."
"i'm already talking to you, it's enough for me"
"yeah! which is why you certainly need help" i rolled my eyes. this wasn't the first time i was convercing with it. the voice has become a constant company since the first time i head it. " i really don't like when you call me "it" or the voice. couldn't you find some thinks more pleasant?" time have made "it" stronger and....." very mature reaction. well, you are a teen after all, what can i expert from a child just out of diapers?" ( mental smile)...it was talking to more regularly this days. i haven't tried to silent it. to be honest, it made me feel better to know i had some one to talk to _ even if it was imagination (people will say madness) that was creating it_ someone who knew exactly what i felt. it made me feel that my edward was some how, still here with me. it gave me the impression the voice was talking for him( as time passes, the voice looked increasingly to his).
As i came in through the door, jared stood up and was facing me with a smile lighting his face. Urgh! i will now have to smile too or he won't leave me alone. i took a deep breath and tried to smile as convincingly as i could. it felt weird, as it have been awhile, since the last time i had to do that. it felt like i was grimacing rather than smiling.
" hi jared. what's up?" i asked, in my attempt to be joyful. i didn't foul him nor the rest of our audiences. they knew me too well.
"it's friday, i'm taking you out!" what ever reaction was on my face amused him.
"mmmh jared, i don't think it's the best idea!"
"OOH pleeease! when was the last time you had fun? you need to change you mind. it will do to you the greatest good."
" frist ! i have fun ever day and..
" humour me!"
" i don't think a movie will change anything."
"who is talking about movie?"
" i ....i have too much homeworks to do for monday. if i don't get to work now, i'm not going to be done with it. soo!"
" you have tomorrow and on sunday for that. i will even help you if you don't finish." as he saw that i was about to protest, he cut me off . " i'm not asking you permissoin kate. go get dress, we are living in ... 20 mins"
" SHUT UP KATHERINE! YOU HAVE BETTER GO GET DRESS NOW? AS I'M TALKING OR I WILL ME YOU LIFE IMPOSSIBLE."
"nothing!" i ran to my room as fast as i could. i certainly did know how it could make my life impossible and i wasn't going to test it. as i shut the door behind me, i could still hear the confusion and happyness of my family, by my reaction.
to be continuous