'Twilight' for Haters' (From MSN)
Too much is more than enough for 'Breaking Dawn'
By Martha Brockenbrough
Special to MSN Movies
Imagine, for a moment, you are a Women's Studies major. You know you shouldn't be drinking the Bartles & Jaymes wine coolers you found in the dorm fridge, but they're so sweet and tasty ...
The next thing you realize, you're waking up with second-degree stubble burn, and the president of the college's Young Republicans club has listed the two of you as "in a relationship" on his Facebook page.
For many women, that is the "Twilight" phenomenon. You know it's no good for you -- and your resolve never to do it again lasts only slightly longer than it takes your chin burn to heal.
Also: Do you have nothing but love for 'Twilight'? Check out a loyal fan'...
Thus, you find yourself watching "Breaking Dawn," the fourth and semifinal "Twilight" movie, in a darkened theater with hundreds of other middle-aged ladies and a few elementary school-aged children who are about to be scarred for life.
But this time, you can't blame it on the Bartles and Jaymes. No, the older and wiser you has a new excuse: It's going to be so bad it's good.
And sure enough, within the first 10 seconds of "Breaking Dawn," you've got a bare-chested Taylor Lautner emoting with his abs, followed by some of the most delicious wedding porn since Luke and Laura pledged troth back in the day.
Indeed, the movie is everything you hoped it would be: tiresome, cheesy, suspenseful, hilarious and oddly irresistible. Here's how all the big categories stack up.
You've read the book, so you knew this was happening. But how is the dress? The kiss? Answer: In both cases, more than you expected. It would be a spoiler to say anything beyond "rose petals from heaven." The question that must be asked, though: As she walks down the aisle, Bella (Kristen Stewart) has a hair stuck in her lip gloss. Why didn't anyone fix that?
It was everything you could hope for. The broken headboard. The bruising. The floating sex feathers. The necessary question: During her "human moment," Bella brushes her teeth. Why doesn't Edward (Robert Pattinson) ever take a vampire moment and brush his? You just know he has blood-breath.
As her belly grows, Bella becomes gloriously cadaverous and gray until Jacob gives her the bright idea of drinking blood. The key question: Where'd Edward get the Jamba Juice cup that he served it in? Styrofoam seems really down-market for the Cullens.
More of this 'review' here.
And now for MY review:
It was AMAZING. BEST TWILIGHT MOVIE YET!!!
Thanks for reading! ^.^