I’m going to try to keep calm during this blog post and not have too many SHOUTY CAPS that clearly articulate my frustration over Robert Pattinson’s – aka Edward Cullen’s – hair in ‘Breaking Dawn.’ Now people, surely you’ve noticed that A) Edward’s hair is short ala ‘Water for Elephants’ hairdo in spring, 2010 and B) its BRUNETTE!
Let’s have a quick history lesson here. How many times does Bella reference Edward’s messy, bronze, sex hair in the ‘Twilight’ series? Oh wait, the “sex hair” reference is from FanFiction, oops. But his hair is always floppy and chaotic and it’s always BRONZE – it’s never dark freagin’ brown. ANNNND, in ‘Twilight’ through ‘Eclipse’ Edward has always sported that ultra sexy James Dean-ish pompadour. Well sweethearts, that’s gone. It’s just short and instead of looking like chaotic sex hair, it looks more like short hair that’s out of place and, dare I say it – flat!
Notice the hair color diff here. ------------------------------------>
Now don’t get me wrong, I’d do Edward up, down and sideways – flat hair or no hair. But all I want to say is: ‘Breaking Dawn’ producers and hair and makeup artists – DON’T F*** WITH MY EDWARD!!
I don’t know how this even happened with Stephenie Meyer acting as a producer in BD 1 & 2. I mean, it’s HER story so you’d think she’d want to preserve the integrity of her words and character descriptions, seeing as though she made such a spectacle of his fuckhawt locks throughout the whole damn book series. So for her to just let it go is maddening to me. Hell, if she was going to let s*** slide, then why couldn’t it have been in making this film Rated R vs. PG-13???? Ugh!
This is all Robert Pattinson’s fault anyway. I recall seeing an interview that he did with ‘Access Hollywood’ in which he told the reporter that he liked his hair short. He said he felt “more agile” and Edward may be getting a haircut. And so I bet he flashed his star power and the BD movie-makers folded like a two bit suitcase. P******. I mean, obvy I love RPattz, but he needs a majah spanking for his cockblock on Edward’s classic hairdo. I’ll be taking him in the bedroom and punishing him all night. You won’t be seeing him again until the morning.
I’ll be honest that for me, Robert Pattinson’s level of hotness weighs heavily on his hair. ‘Twilight/New Moon’ hair = heaven sent. ‘How To Be’ hairdo = can’t even watch the movie because it’s so ug. I can’t look at my Robbie looking less than puuuuurrrfect. Am I objectifying him and not taking him seriously as an actor? Yes. Do I feel guilty about it? Nope. You don’t become a heartthrob for being a good actor. You become a heartthrob for being SEXY AS HELL. If you’re a good actor: *bonus.*
ANYWAY, I feel better now. I just had to get that rant off my chest. And for anyone that I may have offended in my above tirade, I feel that I need to defend myself. You see, I just ran a ½ marathon on Sunday and I’m in so much pain that I’m currently drinking an entire bottle of wine to numb my bum knees and throbbing calf muscles. To motivate me before the race, a couple people told me to envision Robert Pattinson at the finish line with a bottle of champagne waiting for me to cross so he could give me birthday sex, even though it’s not my birthday. And I think I ran too damn hard and too damn fast and I literally broke my body in half. So unfortunately, when I crossed the finish line I collapsed and passed the f*** out. So I totes missed RPattz because he had to fly back to Baton Rouge for more BD filming. My luck is so shitty.
Have you noticed Edward’s hair being totally OFF in the BD set pics? Or do you not give a flying EFF?
A gallary of Edward vs. Not Edward, if you will....
Not Edward...(He's so panty meltin' hot here, just not Edward.)
Not Edward...(dreamy, sexy, kill-me-now, but not Edward)
NOT F****** EDWARD...